Suicidal from lost love

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Lady of Shalott, Apr 10, 2008.

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  1. Lady of Shalott

    Lady of Shalott Active Member

    Does anyone else become suicidal when someone they love dumps them or otherwise devastates them?

    It's happening again to me and this is the worst time ever. I have done crazy things for love, but it will never be this bad again. I can't explain it all, but I have a plan to die now. Ironically, I fractured my foot in the country of the one I love and I had to leave that country recently and now I'm "grounded" in a different country until my foot gets better. (Yes, apparently I have to be healthy in order to kill myself). I only came to this country where I now am to make my will with a lawyer and then I know where to go to do the rest.

    Has anyone else lost her/himself and her/his life for love...or lack of it? ...I'm in this pain and I can't get out, and each time I fall in love it gets worse and worse, but this time it got worse exponentially. I can't take care of myself anymore and I'm always alone.

    In truth, the wounds run so much deeper than unrequited love, but the worst and most painful place they manifest in my life is in love with a man.
  2. Flight

    Flight Well-Known Member

    My whole life used to be dedicated to unrequited love.

    Although it's a beautiful thing - that much love - it's also inherently destructive. By placing your entire being in the hands of your lover, you are giving them too much responisibilty over you (that they won't know what to do with) and they will eventually fail you, and it will all come crashing down.

    It can push them away as well.

    Unless you find someone as hopeless for you as you are for them... but that is rare, not the usual.

    I had to find a way to love myself, so that I could be self-sufficient and I wouldn't keep pushing people away from me by loving them too much. In a way, I got more jaded and it's less romantic. But I stopped leaning on my loves so much, and so I push them away less, and they come to me.

    When I lived for them, I often found I had little reason to keep on. Now, I live for myself, and I find myself more in love than ever... but I can keep standing through the rain.

    Sorry if that made no sense...
  3. Lady of Shalott

    Lady of Shalott Active Member

    I had this time. That's why it was so different. He was more in love with me than I was with him, in the beginning. It was the first time ever I fell in love with someone who loved me first. All the other times I just fell in love and the other person never loved me, not before, not after. This time he loved me and I put him off for a long time and he suffered, it was him living the unrequited love. But in time, I began to feel his love and lots of other things about him and I said to myself, if I love someone who already loves me, it has to go right...not like when I love someone who doesn't love me.

    The most painful thing is, he did love me and I know it because I felt it. In my whole life no one has ever loved me except him, so for some brief moments I felt what it felt like to be loved.

    I could never grasp the idea of living for myself. To be fair, I don't think many people anywhere live only for themselves, but they will tell me to live for myself. Maybe they have friends or they are married or have children, they are not living for themselves only, but they tell me to live for myself. Anyway, it inherently seems to require a complete lack of caring, or caring about yourself over others. And if you don't care about anyone but yourself, it brings me back to killing myself. In fact, there is no one anywhere in the world that I care about now, and no one who cares about me...perhaps the only possible exceptions to both of those is the guy I love, and I mean possible.
  4. Flight

    Flight Well-Known Member

    Very true. It's one of those things that I think a lot of people can see as wisdom, but no one can execute it. I'm a hypocrit here too. But I'm trying.

    It's not a complete selfish abandonment of the world... it's just making sure you can hold yourself up, so that someone else doesn't have to.

    But... I'll admit, it is not really something you can just decide to do, it more just happens by itself. Sometimes. It triggers... like this song (brillant band, by the way For me, I had to get to the point where I had completely given up on love. I stayed that way for a few years, finding reasons to be at peace with the demon who is me. Eventually I accepted my flaws and solitude as eternal... and then, ironically enough, is when I found the deepest love I've ever known. Love that wouldn't consume me, but love that wouldn't fade out.

    I'm sorry to hear your tale. Unrequited love is so darkly beautiful, but it's hell to live through.

    It's times like this I realise how feeble my words really are. Emotive conveyance stops at my fingertips - it does not travel through the letters...
  5. Kimi

    Kimi Well-Known Member

    Half of reason is this.. It was the first time I fell in love and I believed him.

    I know I won't be able to start over again. My wounds are so deep inside. Because every time he mentioned about future with me, it disappeared... That were so cruel. He got all things or more what I dreamt about. I can't live with this as it involves in lost a precious life.
  6. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    Yeah. It hurts. That love stuff hurts. If he didn't feel the same for me and said "I love you. I love you. I love you. God I love you. Damn I love you. You've stolen my heart. I'll never be the same. I love you..." (see, I drool over those words) I don't know where I'd be now. I mean, I was in hell. Listening to love songs over and over crying all the time, (I think I spent 4 hours crying over wondering about him as a baby or as a child and what had happened to him) not eating very much for a month and generally living in my own filth and being a wreck wasn't exactly something out of a romance novel.

    This isn't much help but I have felt like you.
  7. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    reason why i dwell in this forum is cuz of this.

    And yeah Flight i know where you are going, like ive begun to work on myself. Spending time alone, strengthening my strengths and weaknesses and just holding on to whats left. I actualy enjoy being alone nowadays, but yeah anyways it is sorta working for me but i still have times where i just break down and want to cry over her.

    I still feel attached to her in ways that I cannot go a day without going on her facebook page and lurking/staring at her pictures or reading her comments, but each day i feel my love dieing more and i dont know if letting go is what i really want. I just wish i could go back in time and have said a lot more if ya know what i mean..

    well theres my life story, sadly.
  8. Shad

    Shad Active Member

    I too have been in your situation. After my first wife ran of with someone else I was devastated. Jump out of a tree with a rope around my neck. I dont remember much about that night. But the pain hurt. Now several years later I am in the same situation. I'm with someone that hurts me constantly. I live with her, she says she loves me but the way she treats me isnt love.
    So I am going to go back to the beginning when I was alone. And take care of myself number 1. I am suicidal all day everyday. I want to throw the towel in. But yet I dont't. I say to myself maybe things will get better. I'm 37 and why dont I have it together yet.
    I think your alot like me we become really emotionally attatched to someone.
    So much that we forget about whats really important. Taking care of ourselves. I hope to talk to you sometime
    cya Shad
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