Hmm ok back story, im 21 in the military, stationed over seas, and single. I have had suicidal thoughts for awhile now, for about five years now. I have always had this thing with hanging myself. I suffer from anxiety pretty bad and it seems like the smallest things that go on around me can set me off in to a real nasty downward spiral of depression and suicidal thoughts. I have put a rope around my neck twice in my life but step down from the chair. I started to drink heavily since ive been stationed over seas, which I know isnt a great thing. So I know the biggest part of my depression comes from my ex girl friend of three years who was Bi polar, depressed, suicidal, cutter, etc, etc, and etc and I took all these problems upon myself to try to solve. I wanted to help her so bad and did this at my own expense. So when I got sent overseas and she breaks up with me, I basically go out of my mind. I do the only thing I know, and thats to drink excessively (I know this isnt the way to deal with problems). I also cut my arm up pretty good, almost hang myself, and get to drunk and try to fight my supervisor and end up in mental health. I lie my way out of there because I HATE counseling. Then I get sent to the middle east, and go out of my mind, I had to sober up and that just didnt help matters. I was completely alone and didnt know how to handle my already messed up situation... I almost hung myself while I was there but didnt go through with it. While I was there all I looked forward to was coming back and just getting away from there, and getting to drink again (I know not a good thing)... I get back and things arnt any better, probably worse because I was thinking it was the greatest place on earth. Well it wasnt and it just depressed me even more. I decide to try and apply to change jobs (oh probably should have mentioned this I HATE MY JOB!) well I get screwed out of that because I was sent to mental health. But Im going home to the states soon so I have that to look forward to. I go back to the states and have a good time learn some stuff about myself and what not. Get back overseas back in the same spot im in now and before I left. Im completely alone... I know I drink to much, I know that most of the stuff I get upset about is nothing, I know that I need to get over the ex, I know that its hard to get over first loves, I know its hard to be overseas, I know everything about everything BUT I still feel like shit I still feel like hanging myself. The part that scares me is that sometimes Ill think about it when im not depressed or upset, Ill just think about "what would people think if I were gone" or "what would I write in a suicide note to this person."