Suicidal Ideation advice and information needed.

[claycad]

I am looking for any advice and information on the treatment of suicidal Ideation. I do not feel that I going to commit suicide, but I have very frequent and vivid thoughts and images in my mind of me doing so. The majority of the time these "fantasies" are usually by means of very violent impulsive acts, but I also have them involving meticulously planned acts of ways that would be a more serene way to die. Although my plan changes of often, I find myself more and more frequently researching information of methods of suicide, and weighting the pros and cons of different methods. I feel in control of my actions regarding these thoughts, but it’s as if I have an extreme preoccupation with them. The more I try not to think about them, the more they occur.

I am attending therapy for depression and social anxiety, and while I have mentioned to my therapist that I have had thoughts of suicide in times of severe depressive states, but that these thoughts happily very seldom. In reality these thoughts are relentless, even when I am not particularly depressed. I am a 24 y/o college student and have had these thoughts frequently since I’ve been about 15 without treatment, but lately these frightening and distressing thoughts have become a constant preoccupation and are having a severely adverse effect on my life.

I am looking for advice and information on how to talk to my therapist about how often and how vivid these thoughts are without sounding completely insane and also possible treatment methods which don't involve medications, due to my circumstances I cannot afford them. I can only attend counseling because it is free for students at my university. Also any information on if the preoccupation with these thoughts could be a type of OCD or other disorder and could provide me with more information about it.

I will appreciate any advice and time given to me.

 

[Sadeyes]

i do think the preoccupation with these thoughts is an introject of OCD, and depending how they are used, will depend what is being re-enacted...that being said, I think you should be honest with your therapist. S/he can only be effective if you are connected in the relationship...maybe talking about why it is difficult to reveal this would be a start...self-disclosures are very scarey things...they leave a person much more vunerable and usually have an unpleasant feeling (e.g. shame) connected to them...just my thinking and I hope you can reveal more about yourself so that you do not have to fear what is going on...big hugs, Jackie

 

[joce]

I think that's really good advice from Jackie. Just spit it all out on here. It's very difficult to expose all of our darkest thoughts but sometimes it can help free us of them in some way. Please try.