I said in my first post ( I don't know how these work if all of our post can be followed or not ??) but basically some girls fantasize about there dream man or being rich .. Me I just wanna die ! A tree fall on my head .. Train hit me and on my most selfish days I've said thing like I wish I had cancer ! I know better I don't wish I had cancer and I should be ashamed of my self for saying things like that , but it's like dying dignified would be ok ! A gun to my head (my fathers choice) then everyone hates you .. Including me .. I hate him .. Yet I am jealous of him cause I wish I could care about no one but myself and just do what he did ! These thoughts won't go away I don't know if they can .. I don't even know if I want them to .. Maybe I can think myself to death .. And the I wonder if I'm even sane ? My therapist mentioned going to a hospital today .. I just don't know what they could do for me ?