suicidal impluse in the happiest moment

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by eunheejun, Feb 15, 2010.

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  1. eunheejun

    eunheejun New Member

    Hi all:

    I am a childhood physical abuse survivor (age 2-17) and have had suicide ideations on and off since childhood. I recently met a wonderful companion and we have just committed to each other. The funny thing is, I started having a suicidal urge right after this event. I am supposed to be the happiest now but why am I feeling suicidal? I am just very puzzled about my feelings. Can anyone explain why this is happening? FYI: I don't have borderline personality disorder in which case I heard that people put on the "suicide show" to get attention. I have no intention to tell my new companion or family about my urge, and I am trying to figure out a way out of this urge asap. Thank you for your response in advance.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 15, 2010
  2. faded echoes

    faded echoes Active Member

    Well, first off...congratulations on finding someone special to share yourself with. That's always very special to have such a worthy person in your life! :) I'm very happy for you! As for your suicidal feelings...well, there can be many reasons for that! One being that suicidal feelings are a familiar (and possibly comforting) feeling that you're used to having. Another possibility is that you mention you've been abused. You didn't really go into detail but I assume you may have been abused by someone you love. (seeing as how it started so young) just a guess! With that said, maybe feeling such a deep love and connection to someone has resurfaced your suicidal feelings...not knowing if someone you love will hurt you again. I'm not sure...only you can really know. You should consider exploring this with a therapist. If your partner is someone you really love and trust, maybe it wouldn't hurt to share with this person your feelings? They will probably be really supportive...it doesn't have to mean you're seeking out attention or indicate a borderline personality either. If you feel like talking about it, feel free to send me a message anytime! :)
     
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