Hi all: I am a childhood physical abuse survivor (age 2-17) and have had suicide ideations on and off since childhood. I recently met a wonderful companion and we have just committed to each other. The funny thing is, I started having a suicidal urge right after this event. I am supposed to be the happiest now but why am I feeling suicidal? I am just very puzzled about my feelings. Can anyone explain why this is happening? FYI: I don't have borderline personality disorder in which case I heard that people put on the "suicide show" to get attention. I have no intention to tell my new companion or family about my urge, and I am trying to figure out a way out of this urge asap. Thank you for your response in advance.