Suicidal partner

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Bella1990, Jul 4, 2014.

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  1. Bella1990

    Bella1990 Member

    Hi,

    I have been with my partner 3 years now - the first year of the relationship we were happy, very much in love and I had no idea just how messed up inside my partner was. When I became pregnant with our little girl that was when everything came to light. My partner would go on drink and drug binges and disappear for days on end. He would drink and drive, crash cars, have fights and other reckless behaviour. At the end of a bender one time he had to be talked down from jumping off a motorway bridge. He took an overdose and had to be rushed to hospital. He has been diagnosed with Bi polar disorder and now on medication. He has stopped drinking for 6 months and attends regular AA meetings. But despite all this he still talks about suicide. His moods still go up and down and it's like living with a ticking time bomb. He says he feels nothing can ever help him, and I don't understand how he feels and that one day he is going to kill himself and there's nothing I can do to stop him. He says if he knew I was financially stable he would have done it by now. I've tried asking for help but there's not much more on offer than what he's already receiving. He has no hope and doesn't believe he can ever get better and the feelings ever go away.

    I love my partner, I love our family and I don't want to give up. But I also don't want to carry on, work hard at a relationship and planning our life together for him to one day kill himself and put us through all that pain. I know I don't understand it, I probably never will, to me he has everything. A family who love him more than anything. Why are we not good enough. Why do these demons of suicide torment him? Should I leave and get away before he destroys our family. Or do I keep trying and hoping one day these feelings will go away and we can live a normal life. I feel so lost.
     
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    It sounds like your partner is very unwell right now. What psychiatric support is he receiving? It sounds like he needs his meds tweaking quite a lot and possibly even needs therapy or hospitalisation. I understand how difficult it must be for you right now, but your partner needs your support. If he gets the right balance of meds, therapy and emotional support then things will gradually start to get better.
     
  3. Bella1990

    Bella1990 Member

    Hi,

    Thank-you for your reply. He sees a doctor about once every 2 months who changes his medication if needs be. He said the doctor has put him on a waiting list for therapy and he still hasn't heard anything but I'm not sure if it's just that he doesn't want it. He attends AA meetings once or twice a week. I try to talk about it with him and ask him to talk to somebody, I would be happy for us to pay for private therapy if the hospital are taking too long, but he always puts it off. I just feel like he has no motivation. And yet he has stayed off the drink and does keep taking the medication so a part of him must want to get better. He seems to think he never can get better, he says he's saving up so that when he kills himself I'll be able to manage. I feel like I could break down but have to keep going for my little girls and put on a brave face for him. He doesn't relate well to stress, so I feel I have to be numb to it and act like I'm happy. I do try to talk to him about his meds and therapy and that one day he can get better he just needs to stick at it but he just doesn't seem to think so. It's the constant heartache of knowing one day he might leave us. He has no hope whatsoever and sometimes seems so emotionless. I can't force him to try harder, I wish I could.
     
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    To me it sounds like he needs an awful lot more input from his mental health team. I am guessing that you are from the UK? I would push for more regular appointments with his psychiatrist and also request that he sees a CPN (community psychiatric nurse). They monitor care in the community and can spot the warning signs in someone and signpost you to other services. Waiting for therapy can take an awful long time. I had to wait 9 months from referral until I actually started my therapy. Private therapy is okay but he would need to give it up if he gets to see a therapist on the nhs.
     
  5. Bella1990

    Bella1990 Member

    Hi,

    Yes we are from the UK. I have tried to phone the psychiatrist as he has an appointment later today, I am hoping I get a call back so I can speak with him before the appointment. I think therapy could definitely help but he has to want to do it. Did therapy work for you? And how are you finding the medication you are on? He has rapid cycling bipolar and currently takes Lamotrigine and quetiapine. I try to be as supportive as I can but it is hard when you don't understand. I get angry when he talks about suicide, all I think it how can you do that to your children who are so little and adore you, but then another part try's to understand that I will never know how it feels to have racing thoughts and feel so low that I would want to die. I will never understand but I try to help as much as I can. He doesn't have much support from any of his family, not when it comes to his illness anyway. When I phone up worried about him talking about suicide etc I feel like I'm pestering them and putting stress on them. But why should I deal with it all myself. Because I choose to I guess. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who cares and it's frustrating. What is your story, suppose I'm looking for a little bit of hope myself.
     
  6. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I hope the appointment goes okay. I would really push for your partner receive support from a CPN because it does sound like he needs support in between these psychiatrist appointments. I've recently started on lamotrigine myself alongside risperidone and I feel the most stable I have in years. But I'm lucky to have found the right medication mix. It may mean that your partner needs meds adjusting or possibly even another mood stabiliser added into the mix if the lamotrigine isn't quite doing enough. Therapy has been quite useful, it targets those unwanted, negative thoughts and teaches you how to deal with that and change your style of thinking. You partner may find it useful, especially if he is suffering mostly from depression. The problem with rapid cycling bipolar is that you flit in and out of depression and mania that it becomes one big blur and can end up having a mixed episode (agitated depression or dysphoric mania) which is a time when you are most at risk of suicide because you have the energy that comes with mania but the suicidal thoughts that come with depression.

    I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to cope with these drastic mood swings, I can imagine how helpless you feel at times, especially when your partner talks about suicide. Have you ever looked at Bipolar UK? They have support and information for family members of people suffering from bipolar and a very supportive forum that you may find useful, even if it's just to rant and know that you aren't alone.
     
  7. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    :freehug: Bella
     
  8. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Rereading your story Bella I see our situations have a simularity about them in that we both have partners who are suicidal. Only difference being you and he have children together and you are apparently not suicidal yourself but if you are you have to be the strong one; his support network. Are your children aware of the situation?

    :freehug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 5, 2014
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