Yesterday I nearly ended my life. I was going in fast forward. Then I stopped. I rewound because I suddenly thought that just maybe I was not doing it exactly right. Everything I do has to be absolutely correct. I then was very angry with myself for not completing my task and self harmed. I don't know what is wrong with me. I can't seem to get anything right anymore. I can't get positive or negative things right. I feel like I am useless. I am such a mess. I don't understand what is going on with me. Most of the time I am very depressed. Once in a while I get a shimmer of light, but it never last more than a few hours. I am so very very sad. With much convincing, I am going into the hospital today. I just can only hope they get my meds right this time. Hope I don't have to stay too long. I hope this trip to the hospital helps as I've been in the hospital about 6 times recently. Thanks for listening. Nice to know there is somebody out there who cares.