Finally I'm brave enough to make steps in order to commit suicide. First, I got a perfect method - not painless but it's more painful to stay alive. Second, tomorrow I'm going to arrange my own cremation or funeral. The other steps are simpler: Pay some bills, clean up my room. My suicide notes are ready, I just have to edit some details. Finally I am brave enough to do it. My family don't understand I just don't want to live anymore.