Suicidal Problem

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by corrosivegremlin, Feb 21, 2007.

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  1. corrosivegremlin

    corrosivegremlin New Member

    I'll provide some background to this problem i'm having first.

    I've tried my hand at quite a few things in life, i've tried religion, but it wasnt for me, it seemed there was no room for an individual within that strict set of rules. I suppose that's also where i fell out with my parents, i don't really have any strong feelings for them anymore. I've tried at love, and i mean LOVE, 3 times. Everytime i thought i'd found someone i could connect with and they shallowly brushed me off. I've attempted to give a dam about my job, my future career, my schoolwork, but i really have no prevailing interest in any of it.

    I'm not sure about "mental illness" or any of that, but one thing i always told myself, i would never submit myself to a doctor or anyone else who thought they could "cure" me. I say that because of my identity, this mind, it's who i am, people can manipulate it from outside sure, but when people make me THINK what they want (anti-depressants etc) i'm no longer myself. I suspect i'm an undiagnosed schizophrenic, i do show all the symptoms, but that's who i am.

    I'm looking at my life and i dont have any real reasons to stay alive, future looks like more of the same dull crap, friends are conditional, i have nothing i'm very passionate about, i just drift day to day, wondering if anything will catch my interest. I've been waiting a long time. I'm apathetic. I feel like i should naturally be dead, i can't proceed until i die.

    The only strong feeling i find is when i consider suicide, it's fear, i try to comprehend what death is, try to imagine what happens? i will fail to exist...? i don't know if i want that... failing to exist isnt a bad or good emotion is it? when i fail to exist there is nothing... no reflection to say "well that was a bad move" nothing...
     
  2. thecleric

    thecleric Guest

    Yes, the atheist perspective is unnatural. But none of us can prove it's right or wrong. It's just something you'll have to deal with alone.
     
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well all you can do is hope. That is all most of us have these days.

    Me for example I hope I will bump into love. I find that actively seeking it is the same to forcing myself to get it. I hope that one day I will find someone to connect too.

    But interests are a good place to start. Obsess about something you love that will make life seem worth it for a while. Maybe work hard and make lots of money. Money buys temporary material happiness.

    I don't know, my best advice would be to stop looking for something and accidentally trip over it.
     
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