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Suicidal Problem

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#1
I'll provide some background to this problem i'm having first.

I've tried my hand at quite a few things in life, i've tried religion, but it wasnt for me, it seemed there was no room for an individual within that strict set of rules. I suppose that's also where i fell out with my parents, i don't really have any strong feelings for them anymore. I've tried at love, and i mean LOVE, 3 times. Everytime i thought i'd found someone i could connect with and they shallowly brushed me off. I've attempted to give a dam about my job, my future career, my schoolwork, but i really have no prevailing interest in any of it.

I'm not sure about "mental illness" or any of that, but one thing i always told myself, i would never submit myself to a doctor or anyone else who thought they could "cure" me. I say that because of my identity, this mind, it's who i am, people can manipulate it from outside sure, but when people make me THINK what they want (anti-depressants etc) i'm no longer myself. I suspect i'm an undiagnosed schizophrenic, i do show all the symptoms, but that's who i am.

I'm looking at my life and i dont have any real reasons to stay alive, future looks like more of the same dull crap, friends are conditional, i have nothing i'm very passionate about, i just drift day to day, wondering if anything will catch my interest. I've been waiting a long time. I'm apathetic. I feel like i should naturally be dead, i can't proceed until i die.

The only strong feeling i find is when i consider suicide, it's fear, i try to comprehend what death is, try to imagine what happens? i will fail to exist...? i don't know if i want that... failing to exist isnt a bad or good emotion is it? when i fail to exist there is nothing... no reflection to say "well that was a bad move" nothing...
 
T

thecleric

#2
The only strong feeling i find is when i consider suicide, it's fear, i try to comprehend what death is, try to imagine what happens? i will fail to exist...? i don't know if i want that... failing to exist isnt a bad or good emotion is it? when i fail to exist there is nothing... no reflection to say "well that was a bad move" nothing...
Yes, the atheist perspective is unnatural. But none of us can prove it's right or wrong. It's just something you'll have to deal with alone.
 

Forgotten_Man

Well-Known Member
#3
Well all you can do is hope. That is all most of us have these days.

Me for example I hope I will bump into love. I find that actively seeking it is the same to forcing myself to get it. I hope that one day I will find someone to connect too.

But interests are a good place to start. Obsess about something you love that will make life seem worth it for a while. Maybe work hard and make lots of money. Money buys temporary material happiness.

I don't know, my best advice would be to stop looking for something and accidentally trip over it.
 
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