suicidal rant

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lotte, Nov 28, 2012.

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  1. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to do. The way I'm feeling isn't right and i can't explain it to anyone. I'm so anxious and nervous and I see all of these bad things happening around me and i record them in my mind. My mind doesn't work normally; and it's struggle to carry on is very painful to me. I can't even explain it; all the things that have been happening and all the things that have been happening to me. My mom just makes it so much worse. There is to much going on at once and it won't slow down, my mind won't slow down and my body is slow and weak. I'm afraid of my mom talking to me; i'm afraid of people talking to me and i'm always paranoid about it, always watching out if my mom is coming around a corner to talk to me; to freak out on me. And it is exhausting and won't stop. I try breathing exercise, i try to imagine peacful dreamscapes, i try using dbt skills, and it doesn't work; it's just one more thing to do, besides getting upset. I am not even a person anymore; I'm just a struggling mind and body; taking too much information in at once and not seeing anything. It's happening now; and i just want to end my thinking; end my suffering. My mom almost got pulled over today, i'm working on resumes, applying to jobs, have new projects to attend to, trying to socialize, lonely underneath it all, trying to order this stupid ring; my mom is swearing about it. it's like my soul is and has been crusted over with a thick thick coat of wax, more and more getting poured on everyday and I'm losing my ability to connect with myself, having no feelings and no magic in the sunlight. Sorry for the rant-i just type as fast as i can to get it all out, but there's too much in there!!! idk why i'm so suicidal today. ahhh
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun do i know that feeling and i am glad you are letting it all out here All the noise the dam confusion the running thoughts. Have you talked to your doctor hun about getting on something that would slow your mind your thoughts down some. Just take one task at a time don't even focus on the others ok Just take most impt task and get it done when that is done then focus on the 2nd most impt task Only take one task on time ok hun hugs
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry for the very bad time you are having and bad place your mind is at. Do you have a therapist or counselor you can call? Sometimes a talk can really help , be it counselor or just a friend. Is it possible to get in to see a Dr or get help professionally? Please keep posting as much as you like and type as fast and random as you want :hug:

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  4. Baldr

    Baldr Moderator Staff Member Safety & Support

    aww * hugs * :(
    I know that you've been really busy lately but it won't always be like that (hug)
    can you maybe take a break, fake that your ill and don't go to school or maybe go somewhere nice for a few days?
    Can you maybe go to a area where you'll calm down, like for example a forest or a lake?
    I really really don't want you to feel so sad * hugs *
     
  5. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    thanks so much for replying you guys! I don't feel as suicidal any more... so that's good. I don't know what to do; I really need to get this work done; but i also really need to relax, because I'm not thinking clearly. Thanks again for replying :grouphug:
     
  6. Baldr

    Baldr Moderator Staff Member Safety & Support

    * hugs * I'm really glad of that
    can you maybe do it with someone? It might be easier then
    Or maybe do something relaxing for one day and then get back to it..?
    it might be a nice break and maybe you have enough time to
     
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