suicidal right now

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by madisonlee, Apr 7, 2009.

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  1. madisonlee

    madisonlee Guest

    i cant log in properly, it didnt send it through to my email, so im posting in here.
    i plan to kill myself tonight, i have thought this through, i am scared though
    i have been desperatly looking for other option. but cant find any
    this is some of stuff about me

    ok so.. i'm 20, live with my mum, have a sister i havent seen or spoken to in more than a year(its a long story..dont go there, no point), i have a half sister and brother there 3 an 8 yrs old, step mum an dad,
    mum has resently been dating someone new, as of 3 months ago she broke up with her fiansa of 5 yrs because of me, because he was saying inappropriate things to me.
    i dont have any friends, i had good friends in high school
    i have Borderline Personality Disorder, depression anxity, some sort of social phobia, avoidantness.
    i think im asexual.. i dont want to be with either sex, but sometimes i think id rather girls than guys... but wouldnt still want to do sexual things..its confusing

    i also dont really like people, i can be fake for a while, but i get really tired and cant wait to get away from them.

    i've been seeing a psychologist for 18 months or so, and doing a 12 month Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) group at my local mental health place, i have learned coping skills by going to this, but im still struggling

    i know i can keep going on, but i dont really want to, i dont want to be this way or feel like this, i thought if i could only find somone in a similar situation to me who'd be interested in shareing a flat or something..i wouldnt feel so alone...being alone in this is so unbareable..i know i have family an counsillors but they dont really get it, an alot of the time i feel hurt by the things they say.

    there is just so much stuff... my posts ofter get ignored cause i guess this is all so melogramatic, probably narsacistic..

    i've felt like i wanted to die for years, i've mostley chickened out,
    i've gotten lots of differnt help over the year, everone thinks there ways to help are the most awsomest and while work

    i dont want to write anymore theres so much shit..there is no point
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello MadisonLee,
    Welcome to the forum!! You have been thru alot and maybe you just haven't found the right counselor that you can bond with.. My therapist is great but I went thru three before I found her..Maybe you should think about that, do you bond with yours where you feel free to talk about whatever is bothering you at the moment..
    You will find plenty of support here on the forum and just maybe you will meet new friends here who are having similar problems..Please don't give up!! Put those thoughts aside. I do that dailey.. When I awake in the mornings I address my suicidal thoughts and put them aside.. They never go away completely but I have learned to come to terms with them..I wish you luck...Take care!!
  3. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Madison Lee,

    I can only try and empathise with you on what you're going through.
    Two of my close friends have BDP and Bi Polar disorder, they didn't know each other, but I introduced them to each other because I thought it would help to have someone who could relate.
    Before you do anything drastic, just stop for a moment and think, there is always an inkling of hope and explore every avenue.
    Please don't give up on yourself, I don't even know you but I have faith in you, because you're obviously courageous enough to post on here, and that took guts.
  4. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    I also plan to kill myself, the difference being is I always plan a date in the future, the logic being that when that time comes around I won't be in the mood so i'll reschedule it. Currently I plan to die on August 25th.

    You seem to have a lot going on in your life and you seem to feel you haven't got any other options. If you stick around a while and get to know some of the people on this forum, a lot of them have similar or worse problems.

    Whatever you decide to do, just bear in mind that in the vast majority of situations, suicide is a permanent solution to potentially a temporary problem.
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