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suicidal scale/what is making you suicidal/what can help

4 again tonight. I know this will get better and my pain will come down eventually. i'm fighting to get it down again. second night in a row this has happened it takes too long for the pain to drop. I know this will keep happening so sometimes I know the only solution. have avoided it so far but lately I wonder why should try...mike
how can i help?
 

1964dodge

When a 1965 Dodge just isn't enough
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SF Supporter
thank you I just have to fight this alone. I've taken my pain med,s twice as much break through meds, twice of special med. and it's just coming down a very little. i'm still an 8 on the pain scale. my suicide number lately stays around 0 or 1 every day lately. but I haven't mentioned at night it gets to between 3 an 4 for a few hours at night. so unfortunately I will be ok shortly. maybe one day I won't be able to control the pain and be able to go. I thank you for your offer but you can't do anything but be there for me which does help thank you. one thing you can do is be aware and make others aware that real pain patients need their pain meds no matter which country you are from...mike...*hug
 
thank you I just have to fight this alone. I've taken my pain med,s twice as much break through meds, twice of special med. and it's just coming down a very little. i'm still an 8 on the pain scale. my suicide number lately stays around 0 or 1 every day lately. but I haven't mentioned at night it gets to between 3 an 4 for a few hours at night. so unfortunately I will be ok shortly. maybe one day I won't be able to control the pain and be able to go. I thank you for your offer but you can't do anything but be there for me which does help thank you. one thing you can do is be aware and make others aware that real pain patients need their pain meds no matter which country you are from...mike...*hug
Others, including me, understand, at least in part, what you are going through, even though each of our experiences can feel completely unique. Unfortunately, I had to get back on 2/2 of the opiod meds I have to take. I hate it & the pain is still there, just a little easier to deal with, and nights--ugh--nights are hard, emotionally & physically. I'm not exactly a ray of sunshine right now & am battling periods of hopelessness in my own life, but I know that as much as I'd prefer no one else have to deal with debilitating chronic pain, I do find some peace in knowing that there are others out there who can at least understand my physical pain & are there, virtually, to help pull me thru. I hope you get some comfort & rest.
 

1964dodge

When a 1965 Dodge just isn't enough
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
Others, including me, understand, at least in part, what you are going through, even though each of our experiences can feel completely unique. Unfortunately, I had to get back on 2/2 of the opiod meds I have to take. I hate it & the pain is still there, just a little easier to deal with, and nights--ugh--nights are hard, emotionally & physically. I'm not exactly a ray of sunshine right now & am battling periods of hopelessness in my own life, but I know that as much as I'd prefer no one else have to deal with debilitating chronic pain, I do find some peace in knowing that there are others out there who can at least understand my physical pain & are there, virtually, to help pull me thru. I hope you get some comfort & rest.
thank you for understanding. I have been battling chronic pain for more than 2 decades and been disabled for 17 years. I used to be highly functioning but well you know what happened and now i'm at 20 to 25% of the pain meds I was on. do you ever get to the point that you honestly consider that one way to end pan is better? I know it would be better in a way and I also have so much to live for so it's a toss up lol. I can almost gauranty that I will always choose life and then kick myself in the ass for it lol. p.s. can I ask what your average pain level is as well as your high level and is it chronic?.....mike...*hug
 
thank you for understanding. I have been battling chronic pain for more than 2 decades and been disabled for 17 years. I used to be highly functioning but well you know what happened and now i'm at 20 to 25% of the pain meds I was on. do you ever get to the point that you honestly consider that one way to end pan is better? I know it would be better in a way and I also have so much to live for so it's a toss up lol. I can almost gauranty that I will always choose life and then kick myself in the ass for it lol. p.s. can I ask what your average pain level is as well as your high level and is it chronic?.....mike...*hug
It can reach an 8-9. It's never less than 3 & is usually 5-7 except--I had tried MJ before with some relief, but quit it when I moved to pain mgt. Looked like I was going to be moving to Calif w/my now-estrranged spouse & with my pain mgt dr's understanding & permission to try & see if full-on MMJ would work, tried it back in December & for the first time in longer than I can remember, I was completely pain free for about 4 hours. It was euphoric, magical--and I'm just talking about the relief from pain & getting to remember what that felt like. I don't want this approaching divorce, did not see it coming, and after 12 yrs, sure didn't expect to be told that my disease was "holding [my spouse] back." Painful, but I have choice words for anyone who can walk out on a disabled spouse, BUT, since I have to somehow reinvent myself, find a safety net & support system, sell my home of 16 years & move & dramatically downsize, I looked into which states have legal MMJ & won't tax my SSDI, & I'm looking to move to Oklahoma as soon as I can get my house sold. Hopefully, I'll be able to report if the pain relief is long term. For now, 2400 mg gabapentin, tizanadine, 60 mg cymbalta, 20 mg oxy, 60 mg morphine, & ropinorole & lidocain patches & compound creams & I'm sure I'm leaving off a few. 24 pills per day usually, and I used to hate to take even aspirin!
 

1964dodge

When a 1965 Dodge just isn't enough
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
thank you @DavidTX it helps knowing others unfortunately know my pain. I used to be on 2 100mcgph I think that's how it's said every 3 days. 60 mg morphine 2x daily 3 4mg dilaudid daily and I was almost fully functional. fast forward now after cdc screwed pain patients. i'm down to 3 15 mg morphine 1 daytime 2 at night I have 50 2 mg dilaudid a month which isn't even quite 2 a day. and after years of asking I finally got a mmj card last year. my doctor doesn't believe in it but finally agreed. I use brownies which helps and this cream. it can actually drop me 2 points relatively quick when my pain is high. only problem all mmj is epensive. thank you keeping my mind occupied actually helped. and my pain is around 6 still high but not too much...mike...
 
I'm glad to hear you are down on the very low end this afternoon 1964dodge.

I'm sitting at about a 4-5, steroids and toredol finally kicked in after 10 days and I have an appt to see the doctor for MRI results tomorrow. The pain I'm dealing with now is focused deep in the hip/spine but not as spread out...the doctors here won't prescribe opiates, they are too scared of government etc. repercussion I guess so I don't have anything for the deep or breakthrough only Naproxen and the heating pad.
Having to have been restricted to bed and couch this past two weeks and being alone has taken me to considering the why of things, so to speak.
It's gotten really old and even though no one responds much here, at least I have a place to say what's happening to me, with me. It's a voice at some level.
 
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1964dodge

When a 1965 Dodge just isn't enough
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
I'm glad to hear you are down on the very low end this afternoon 1964dodge.

I'm sitting at about a 4-5, steroids and toredol finally kicked in after 10 days and I have an appt to see the doctor for MRI results tomorrow. The pain I'm dealing with now is focused deep in the hip/spine but not as spread out...the doctors here won't prescribe opiates, they are too scared of government etc. repercussion I guess so I don't have anything for the deep or breakthrough only Naproxen and the heating pad.
Having to have been restricted to bed and couch this past two weeks and being alone has taken me to considering the why of things, so to speak.
It's gotten really old and even though no one responds much here, at least I have a place to say what's happening to me, with me. It's a voice at some level.
thank you and I do understand. I hope they can help you and be able to fix what's wrong or at least lower the pain. either way they won't prescribe opioids unless there is no choice and it's going to be long term with no relief. if they can't fix the problem with surgery etc. try to get seen at a pain clinic. they have many ways of relieving pain with or without opioids. I got stuck with a bad pain clinic but most are good at relieving pain. and anytime you need to be heard inbox me i'll listen...mike...*hug
 

1964dodge

When a 1965 Dodge just isn't enough
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
I could just use a better distraction...it's gotten a bit quiet, lol.
i'm sorry you are at a 3 right now. is there any way you can do something as a long term distraction. for me it's obviously my 64 dodge. you could work on a classic car, paint or collect paintings, sculpt, or anything that is long term that will never be totally complete. it doesn't have to be expensive just satisfy your need to have a passion...mike...*hug
 

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