suicidal since 8

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dinosaur_injunction, Nov 26, 2012.

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  1. dinosaur_injunction

    dinosaur_injunction New Member

    I have this problem. I've had the thought of suicide in my head at least once a day, everyday, since I was 8 years old. I have suffered from depression and social anxiety since 6. Both of these things we're hidden, by no easy means, from my friends and family for 12 years until my first attempt a little over a year ago. I carried this burden through a friendless adolescence and three years of high school during which I excelled academically under a lot of pressure. I then discovered drugs during that stretch in HS <insert: intellectual individuals chronic drug use experience >. No more needs to be said about me and drugs other than it gave me a great deal of relief for quite some time.

    But now that I've been soberish for around 16 months I've had five suicide attempts and five baker acts. I'm always on the proper medication, and i see a psychologist weekly, but I can't seem to cope anymore without drugs. I can't do anything without a thought of taking my life somehow, or something related to it creeping into my mind. All of my attempts are planned in advance and are in no way spontaneous. I'm a very well collected person.

    I have no idea what I'm trying to accomplish here but I'd like to share my experience and rather unusual (or so I've been told) circumstances. halp?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu need to tell your therapist your doctor aobut your cravings for drugs hun There are medications that can be used to help you stop those cravings. Drugs you know are just a short term solution hun don't undue the good you have accomplished by staying clean so long. Call your therapist ok your doc and be open with them and get some help now ok don't wait hugs
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    As Total Eclipse said, tell you therapist of your issue with drugs and cravings. You said you were on the proper medications, but your actions would indicate otherwise, ensure they know of the attempts to see if an adjustment is called for. Come back and post abd let us support you, particularly if you are considering staging and attempt.

    Take Care and Be Safe

  4. dinosaur_injunction

    dinosaur_injunction New Member

    Hi guys, thanks for the support. To answer some of your concerns, yes, of course I share all this with my doctors. And the craving for drugs is mostly manageable, mind over matter. I don't even like to take my xanax unless I'm already having a panic attack so I'm not tempted to use other drugs or develop a dependence.

    I guess what I'm looking for with this thread is to look for anyone else with issues like mine from such an early age or those who have heard of such a life scenario. I know a lot of elements of my personal story are unique, but it also shares many commonalities with others. I just like reminders that I am not alone.

    I just got out of a 9 day hospital stint, 3 in the ICU and 6 in psych. I'm thankfully fine, I decided to join/post here because I'd like a support group but in person gatherings of the like make me uncomfortable.

    Unrelated: I'm happy today and I hope you are too. XD
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad you got some support you needed in hospital hun and that you are happy today
  6. mackaroni

    mackaroni Well-Known Member

    Good to hear that you are reaching out and letting your doctors know about your cravings!

    If you are seeing a therapist I would make sure that they are dually licensed so they can meet both your mental health and addiction needs. I would also talk to them about maybe joining some kind of outpatient drug treatment group. There are the usual 12 step meetings, but depending on where you are at there might be actual outpatient treatment groups ran by licensed therapists to meet your needs and these type of groups are usally pretty small
    (10 max) and are well controlled and lead by the therapists.

    I dont know where you are at but there are Dual-Recovery Anonymous groups out there along with anxiety/depressive groups (some are 12 step some are not).

    Lastly I have addiction issues along with mental health and I have found a great deal of help in using DBT and CBT therapy methods for dual recovery!

    Keep talking and take good care of you!
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