I have this problem. I've had the thought of suicide in my head at least once a day, everyday, since I was 8 years old. I have suffered from depression and social anxiety since 6. Both of these things we're hidden, by no easy means, from my friends and family for 12 years until my first attempt a little over a year ago. I carried this burden through a friendless adolescence and three years of high school during which I excelled academically under a lot of pressure. I then discovered drugs during that stretch in HS <insert: intellectual individuals chronic drug use experience >. No more needs to be said about me and drugs other than it gave me a great deal of relief for quite some time. But now that I've been soberish for around 16 months I've had five suicide attempts and five baker acts. I'm always on the proper medication, and i see a psychologist weekly, but I can't seem to cope anymore without drugs. I can't do anything without a thought of taking my life somehow, or something related to it creeping into my mind. All of my attempts are planned in advance and are in no way spontaneous. I'm a very well collected person. I have no idea what I'm trying to accomplish here but I'd like to share my experience and rather unusual (or so I've been told) circumstances. halp?