First timer here. Anyways, I tried to kill myself early last year. I drank something that really shouldn't be drank. It put me in the hospital for awhile. After that I started taking meds and seeing different doctors. However, I still don't think I have found someone I can completely open up to. I am afraid to tell any therapist that I do still want to kill myself. Lately I've just become more bitter and cynical towards the world. It all just seems so pointless to me. So I've started getting some pills and am planning on getting more. The first batch came this week and they really weren't as strong as I hoped. Today I decided to go all out and took a bunch of the pills and started drinking. I got at least 8 beers down when I started having this really weird feeling. It felt like I was in danger of my breathing ending at any moment. Yet, it was a feeling I enjoyed. But those pills sucked. I eventually went to sleep and woke up. After about two hours of sleep. And when I woke up I felt better than I usually do after I've been drinking. I ended up vomiting but the whole experience seemed like a good one to me. That's going to be my thing now. Taking random drugs and mixing them with alcohol. All in hope of going to sleep and not waking back up. I really don't even know why I'm still here. That first attempt really should have ended it for me. But not only did I survive, I actually healed better and faster than doctors expected. It's bullshit. But I think this legal meds thing is the way to go.