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Suicidal tendencies

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Twiceborn, Feb 12, 2013.

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  1. Twiceborn

    Twiceborn New Member

    I feel alone, worthless, I cannot attain a job because society is a big fuck up and keeps me down. I'm madly in love with a girl who doesn't show affection back but leads me on. I know none of my family besides my close family which I don't even talk to, I just stay inside my room all fucking day. I don't even go out to party anymore since I quit drugs, drinking and smoking, sometimes I wish I could just take lots of drugs and forget how fucked up my life and reality is, but im OCD when I start something ill NEVER break it. All my activities like running, Muay Thai and boxing are just fuck ups a waste of time money and effort nowadays. I just want to fight and hurt other people in the ring, just knock their fucking faces in thinking about them taking what I deserve, respect.

    I've always told myself I would never kill myself but its looking like a very viable option. Being a male in his young twenties without a car, job and still lives with his mother is demoralising, I "dream" of doing a lot of bad things to society and the people within when I think of this, ONLY BECAUSE THEY HAVE NEGLECTED ME. My dumbass psychologist tried to give me medication even though she knows I'm straight edge, so I quit!! I'm tired of people pretending like they give a fuck when they don't and I'll probably get the same treatment here, just be honest don't sugar coat me for fuck sakes. THE PEOPLE WHO SHOULD OF BEEN PROTECTING MY MENTAL HEALTH HAVE NEGATIVITY AND SYSTEMATICALLY ATTACKED MY WELL BEING!!!

    I'm a useless statistic contributing nothing to society, I'm a bottom feeding leech who feels like getting <edit mod total eclilpse method>, and possibly others.

    Fucking fuck life, no Gods no masters, fuck society and fuck every single capitalistic **** who has kept me been a worthless human for this long. I hope the world fucking crashes and burns and their mothers die a fucking awful and painful death and all their loved ones!!!!

    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 12, 2013
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, I'm not going to sugar coat anything-like you requested. I do however see a very angry person in reading this thread. You mention a psychologist tried to give you medication? Do you mean psychiatrist because where I live a psychologist is not licensed to prescribe medication. I can somewhat relate to what you are feeling as only up to 2 years ago I had no job,no college, no car and lived at home. The only thing that has changed is I moved out and have found a boyfriend which gives meaning to my life..'cos now I have something to live for. Have you thought about volunteering somewhere, it might make you feel a bit better about yourself. Anyways, welcome to the site, I hope you find this a helpful community.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    * who has kept me been a worthless human for this long

    this line jumps out at me ONLY YOU can keep YOU worthless hun You have the power to be who ever you chose and don't give me any crap back because i came from nothing absolutely nothing but i chose to get out of that poisonous environment chose to get education chose to reach out for support You can get help but your choses are killing you hun your choices and yours alone will put you on a path of whatever you chose Listen to the ones that will want to help keep the doors of support all open ok You deserve help use it you deserve healing reach out and get it in with meds therapy whatever you chose ok YOur anger go get some therapy to show you how to deal with it and to use it to push you forward not into a deep dark whole
  4. Spacer

    Spacer Active Member

    Twiceborn, I's sorry you're struggling, I just wanted to let you know my heart goes out to ya and i'm thinking of you. Keep doing your muay thai, running and boxing....screw everyone else and keep fighting! I quit all that stuff too....but now I'm doing it again. You have a choice....quit....or fight....I choose to fight....and I know that with all that anger you have you can use it to your advantage and fight too.
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