My existence is just crap. I really want to do so many things but my OCD is so strong that there are so many things that I can't do. For instance I was really good at the machine shop however from the fear of developing Tinnitus I am worried to set foot in the machine shop because of all the noise. I don't know if I have tinnitus or not but I am trying to avoid anything that might lead to it. Also I feel that my computer is contaminated. There was a spill on it and now I feel it is contaminated. I can't focus anymore on what I am doing on the computer as my mind is constantly battling OCD. What's the use of life if I am going through all this? Isn't it better to just end it all? I can't do the things that I used to like to do and from the suicidal thoughts I am not sure that I will ever feel ok again and the OCD will decrease. I just don't feel that I want to do this any longer.