Hi-- I'm really hesitant to write this, and I'm probably going to be judged, but I'm feeling so bad that I figured I might as well. I've suffered from bipolar disorder and anxiety for a long time, and believe I might also have a little body dysmorphic disorder going on, too (I'm 33). I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts more steadily for the last few years. I'm basically completely isolated and have had a bad couple of days here. I constantly think about death, and the depression has been so bad I almost feel like I'm coming out of my body. I also feel utterly hopeless--that life will never get better. When I get like this, I can't move, can't think, can't really do anything. I'm a body without a mind. I feel like the mere act of moving through time is unutterably painful. I'm so sad that my mind has hit upon the idea of hiring an escort--but simply to give me a hug and put her arm around me for an hour or so. I realize that what I'm desperately searching for someone to give me a hug, and an escort seems like a way to achieve this. This is something I never would have done before, but I think I'm going to do it now because I don't care anymore. I understand it's not the best choice, but I just feel like I would actually feel a tiny bit better if I do this. Thanks for listening and understanding. I'd be interested to know what people think.