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Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?

Auri

🎸🎼Rock Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
Speaking of suicidal thoughts, I was reading an old thread "How I wish to die" from @Lara_C.
The thread was closed so I thought posting this here.

While I, like most of suicidal folks, have played the "peaceful, perfect, painless" scenario maybe more than a few times in my mind, after looking at it more thoroughly, I came to realize I don't care at all how I'd go. I don't care if it'd be painful or take a long time as long as I'd go in the end. If I'd have peace in the first place I wouldn't think of suicide, would I? lol Thinking of it, the methods I've fantasized mostly are neither painless nor quite peaceful.
The only thing that bugs me is that I don't like others bearing the consequences of my choices/decisions.
G... Will you talk to me? *sadhug
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
I always say it doesn’t take much to push me over the edge and it’s usually my husband that does the pushing. He is super stressed tonight so yeah, I’m falling over that edge. Last Friday I walked out of work, now I wish I’d kept walking and they hadn’t found me. Just want to disappear.
*hug*console*sadhug*shake
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
Same xx
My. F doesn’t realise this when he shouted at me the other night don’t I care about my kids. (After he’d launched at me and knocked me flying over picking the pens and scissors up from a pot he’d thrown in a temper across the room) . I said yes but the desire and need to kill myself when he treats me so bad takes over

I fell into the scissors I had in my hand
They were broke
I sliced my side
He didn’t care
Kept shouting at me

I urinated in fright and distress
He just called me disgusting over and over

tonight he’s horrible again
I was dreading him coming home and starting on me
I could tell he would from ignoring my msgs all day and calls

then I had to justify why of msgd and nothing was good enoihh

not the fact I’m ill with coronavirus and yet am having to loook after his son and couldn’t get him to take his medicines and wanted him to encourage him

I have to book a good enough reason
He makes me feel like the most unloved unwanted person on the olanet

he swears at me and calls me alsorts to break me

it feels if I won’t go Killing might be good for him
it sounds like your bf is toxic for you. maybe it's time to evaluate if he's good for you...mike...*hug*shake
 

Legate Lanius

Try not to kill yourself 2020 challenge.
Thing is, I never stop being suicidal. No matter how much I like my present experience, my ultimate judgement is for non-existence to be preferable in all cases.
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
Yes. I'm exhausted,, is impossible that things keep getting worse and worse and still they do. It's life telling me to quit. The harder I try, the more bad things happen. I've been fighting for years and this one is the worst: I don't want to be alive to see who it keeps getting worse and worse, I can't have anything good and never will, keep living like this is only making me more desperate until one day I finally be brave enough to kill myself and end this nightmare.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
Yes. I'm exhausted,, is impossible that things keep getting worse and worse and still they do. It's life telling me to quit. The harder I try, the more bad things happen. I've been fighting for years and this one is the worst: I don't want to be alive to see who it keeps getting worse and worse, I can't have anything good and never will, keep living like this is only making me more desperate until one day I finally be brave enough to kill myself and end this nightmare.
this has been a really bad year for a lot of us. you have to keep fighting and seek out any joy you can find....mike...*hug*shake
 
Yeah I'm suicidal. Been planning again. How. What I'll wear. Where I'll go. What I'll say. Putting way too much goddamned effort into a person that doesnt matter. Just do it.
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad *brohug. I've found myself having similar thoughts in the past, and I know it's a terrible place to be. Suicide is never the right choice, and you certainly shouldn't do it. Do you want to say a bit about what is making you feel so bad at the moment? Sometimes, sharing can help. Stay safe. I hope you can feel a bit better soon.
 
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I'm sorry you're feeling so bad *brohug. I've found myself having similar thoughts in the past, and I know it's a terrible place to be. Suicide is never a good option, and you certainly shouldn't do it. Do you want to say a bit about what is making you feel so bad at the moment? Sometimes, sharing can help. Stay safe. I hope you can feel a bit better soon.
Physical pain and isolation mostly. I barely feel human. I barely feel anything but the pain.
 
Physical pain and isolation mostly. I barely feel human. I barely feel anything but the pain.
I'm sorry. That sounds like an awful place to be.

Is your physical pain a recurring thing or is has it come about recently? A lot of people here have chronic pain, and have found ways to manage. A good way to manage is looking for the smaller things you can live for. Maybe you could try seeking some advice from them, if you haven't already, in a thread. Even with chronic pain, you can find a way to make your life worth living.

I'm sorry you're feeling isolated. Is there ways you can reach out to people? A good way might be to join some clubs, where you can meet people with similar interests to you.

Are you currently in treatment (medication or therapy) for your depression?

I hope you can feel a bit better soon. Sending hugs *brohug.
 

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