Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?

I'm quite depressed again today. There are people who have done so much bad to us and continue to do so much bad to us, constantly violating our boundaries. Dealing with all of this can lead to violent fights and frankly, we've been through this before and we're running out of batteries. We don't have the chance to move somewhere else and live life on easy mode again, but even if we did, the fact that I can't cope with all this evil and that I am powerless keeps pulling me back into the darkness. Honestly, it feels pointless to even write this anymore.
 

MisterBGone

Deljuxe Edition.. ✅
SF Supporter
I'm quite depressed again today. There are people who have done so much bad to us and continue to do so much bad to us, constantly violating our boundaries. Dealing with all of this can lead to violent fights and frankly, we've been through this before and we're running out of batteries. We don't have the chance to move somewhere else and live life on easy mode again, but even if we did, the fact that I can't cope with all this evil and that I am powerless keeps pulling me back into the darkness. Honestly, it feels pointless to even write this anymore.
I'm sorry @sra_
 

MisterBGone

Deljuxe Edition.. ✅
SF Supporter
I’m not sure what qualifies as suicidal anymore. I’m not planning to go off myself today, and emergency treatment would only make it worse. OTOH, the obsession is there. I have intrusive thoughts about absolute pessimism and nihilism, and how it makes the most sense to end it since it is all purely pain anyway.
I guess, it's to try to get oneself into a place where the avoidable danger is present, such as that with an act of impulsion. So, how some may act on this/their sudden urge, or "moment of inspiration," shall-we-say? And so: if we can avoid this. Such as not having the means on hand, or the thought in mind, about how to go about it, then that would be beneficial. And what is best for all. To remove that from the equation then. To the extent that one can. And sometimes they can't! So we just hope that they don't fall victim then, to that moment of you could call it weakness, or strength. And I suppose it mostly depends on--your point of view~ / Good luck @LumberJack ! with staying alive; & staying here.
 

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
I am kind of passively suicidal at the moment. Thinking that if I were to be diagnosed with some kind of terminal illness it would make all the other problems shrink or go away altogether and I'd be able to look forward to suffering's end. Not considering doing anything, but it's always the backup plan in my mind and if I was terminally ill it would make quickening the process more of an option that perhaps wouldn't hurt those left behind as much. That is often the only thing that stops me, I have to endure so much suffering to prevent others suffering because of actions I take to stop my own suffering. Sucks ass at times.
 

MisterBGone

Deljuxe Edition.. ✅
SF Supporter
New here and struggling. I know I WON’T take my own life but I’m sat in the house where my friend <mod edit - method> and I’m really struggling. I’ve let everyone down. My husband, my family, my workplace, my friends. I’m not strong enough. Too much has been building up and I feel so trapped.
Hi, I hope you can get some help with this. In the form of psychiatry or psychotherapy, if you aren't already doing so. It is also possible that while your feelings and emotions are both genuine, and real. That you too, could be overexaggerating them in your mind. Such as when distortions in cognition, can tend to happen, to those of us, who get this "down." Like on a clinical level. Anyway, I'm not saying it's easy (even with help). But it can improve, is potentially true, or possible. Best regards~
 
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MisterBGone

Deljuxe Edition.. ✅
SF Supporter
I am kind of passively suicidal at the moment. Thinking that if I were to be diagnosed with some kind of terminal illness it would make all the other problems shrink or go away altogether and I'd be able to look forward to suffering's end. Not considering doing anything, but it's always the backup plan in my mind and if I was terminally ill it would make quickening the process more of an option that perhaps wouldn't hurt those left behind as much. That is often the only thing that stops me, I have to endure so much suffering to prevent others suffering because of actions I take to stop my own suffering. Sucks ass at times.
Not a great feeling to have, @AvidFan - both temporarily, or more on the semi-regularly. Hope you can find some way of maybe meaningfully dealing with this. If you haven't already begun that process, or ruled it out...
 

MisterBGone

Deljuxe Edition.. ✅
SF Supporter
Yes I am rn. <mod edit - method>
But that has not stopped me spending hours today looking up quicker methods.
I need OUT but have not reconciled the whole punishment in the afterlife thing. After all my entire life is a punishment, why would my death be any different.
Understood, and I'm sorry you are in this predicament. It does sound dire in deed. Are you able to talk with a therapist, or a psychiatrist (if necessary & need be)? And would that help, if you have not? Suffering endlessly, needlessly, does not sound tolerable to most. Again, I'm sorry for your having to be in this position. And welcome. Take care.
 
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MisterBGone

Deljuxe Edition.. ✅
SF Supporter
I'm quite depressed again today. There are people who have done so much bad to us and continue to do so much bad to us, constantly violating our boundaries. Dealing with all of this can lead to violent fights and frankly, we've been through this before and we're running out of batteries. We don't have the chance to move somewhere else and live life on easy mode again, but even if we did, the fact that I can't cope with all this evil and that I am powerless keeps pulling me back into the darkness. Honestly, it feels pointless to even write this anymore.
This sounds like a horrendous situation to be in, and to deal with. I'm sorry you feel stuck & trapped in it for now. Violence, is never comfortable to be around or in (for most) when it comes to a safe environment. I can see why you feel that way when you are not in a position to stop or change all or any of it; enough of it, to make you feel at ease~ / It might feel hopeless. But hopefully you can find some reason, or some way, to find a glimmer of hope, and to see something positive to cling on or to. For the or your future @sra_ Best of luck, to you! And please do keep us posted if it at all helps... Take care!
 

Astrid78

that's what he thinks
New here and struggling. I know I WON’T take my own life but I’m sat in the house where my friend <mod edit - method> and I’m really struggling. I’ve let everyone down. My husband, my family, my workplace, my friends. I’m not strong enough. Too much has been building up and I feel so trapped.
Yes I am rn. They have <mod edit - method>
But that has not stopped me spending hours today looking up quicker methods.
I need OUT but have not reconciled the whole punishment in the afterlife thing. After all my entire life is a punishment, why would my death be any different.
Just wondering how you are both doing today?
 
Understood, and I'm sorry you are in this predicament. It does sound dire in deed. Are you able to talk with a therapist, or a psychiatrist (if necessary & need be)? And would that help, if you have not? Suffering endlessly, needlessly, does not sound tolerable to most. Again, I'm sorry for your having to be in this position. And welcome. Take care.
I'm just melting down more every day, I can't see any way out 😭
 

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