Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?
- Thread starter Petal
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* ox
Thank you for the blessing but we are here for YOU when YOU are ready. YOU are among people who care and will be there for YOU.
I suggest that you start with chatting in the forum's chat room. You will won't be judged and if someone upsets you use the report function. Take care as we all experience the same feelings as YOU. YOU are not alone my friend.
I suggest that you start with chatting in the forum's chat room. You will won't be judged and if someone upsets you use the report function. Take care as we all experience the same feelings as YOU. YOU are not alone my friend.
Im just tired, Of everything, From the simple stuff that just becomes tedious after a while, like never catching a break, to the more hurtful stuff like Being used and abused by people you love, taken for granted, everyones been there right?, then everything else that bothers me, like this horrible vile world we live in, Tired of everyone just being ugly to one another, were only here once, we all have our own individual issues to deal with, yet humans spend so much time, so much energy, on hating, Im quite a deep person, Shallow people make me very sick, We live in a world consumed with hatred, greed, materialism, self preservation, without a thought or care, Granted, not everybody behaves this way, for every bad person theres a good person, Me, i try to smile, i try to love everyone and treat everyone with respect, im the guy who talks to strangers on the bus or train, or walking down the street, not because i have to, but because i want to, my own self gratification is achieved when im able to make just 1 person smile on an average day, i always tru to be the very best i can beIve spent my life with a set of rules to follow, guidelines to enjoy my life, No materialism, I dont Drink, I dont take Drugs, I treat everyone with the same level of respect that id like them to treat me with, im a very honest and open person, i dont believe in Promiscurity and sexual relations outside of a loving relationship with a partner, Then recently in the last few months, i got to know a woman, She said all the right things, she made all the right noises, i really thought i had met my equal in this lifetime, she promised the earth to me, And somehow at the very first meeting with her which was a weekend at hers, she took everything that she wanted from me, then discarded me like a used handkerchief 2 days later.
Now the issue, is not so much that she turned out to be a dirty lying low life, but that she managed to get behind my defences, read between the lines, manipulate me, use me and undo every rule id ever proudly followed in my life, and im left sat here night after night, still trying to work out where it all went wrong, and why someone would do this to me, im left just feeling Numb and worthless, i dont understand why, she did this, im not worried that she chose not to be with me, but if she had told me in the first place all she wanted was to sleep with me, i would never have allowed it to happening, she groomed me into getting what she wanted, and instead of feeling like, oh well, just didnt work out, im left feeling like im a victim, and deep down, i know that i have no right to feel that way.
So anyway, ive said enough for 1 day, this isnt just the only issue i have, theres lots more going on in my head and heart that im struggling with., But thankyou for taking time to read this, and to listen to me and understand my points, Its another day, 05:34 UK time and i havent slept in 2 days, but i do feel like i want to sleep, i just feel scared that i may not want to wake up again.
Take care everyone, love to you all and i hope you all have a much better day than you could ever wish for today.
Now the issue, is not so much that she turned out to be a dirty lying low life, but that she managed to get behind my defences, read between the lines, manipulate me, use me and undo every rule id ever proudly followed in my life, and im left sat here night after night, still trying to work out where it all went wrong, and why someone would do this to me, im left just feeling Numb and worthless, i dont understand why, she did this, im not worried that she chose not to be with me, but if she had told me in the first place all she wanted was to sleep with me, i would never have allowed it to happening, she groomed me into getting what she wanted, and instead of feeling like, oh well, just didnt work out, im left feeling like im a victim, and deep down, i know that i have no right to feel that way.
So anyway, ive said enough for 1 day, this isnt just the only issue i have, theres lots more going on in my head and heart that im struggling with., But thankyou for taking time to read this, and to listen to me and understand my points, Its another day, 05:34 UK time and i havent slept in 2 days, but i do feel like i want to sleep, i just feel scared that i may not want to wake up again.
Take care everyone, love to you all and i hope you all have a much better day than you could ever wish for today.
Morning Joe,
Sorry about your recent heartbreak, but try not to beat yourself up about it. I have been there, misjudged people and made mistakes, it is hard and it hurts but with continued support here, you will start to feel better. You sound like a thoughtful and caring person and I hope you won't let your experience with this woman change that.
Hoping you have a peaceful day today
Sorry about your recent heartbreak, but try not to beat yourself up about it. I have been there, misjudged people and made mistakes, it is hard and it hurts but with continued support here, you will start to feel better. You sound like a thoughtful and caring person and I hope you won't let your experience with this woman change that.
Hoping you have a peaceful day today
Looks like my race has come to and end. Memory lapses, losing family, suffering another seizure and so on means I have had enough and cannot take this anymore. I am at peace with the decision and even with the great advice and suggestions from others it is a decision I had to make on my own. Even if the doctor is wrong and I may end up having more than two years there is the possibility I might have less and that scares me more than pulling the plug to early. I am glad of what I accomplished in life and I believe that enough is enough of daily torturing myself. <mod edit - timeline>
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I Still Fight Daily, As stated, These are just thoughts and feelings at the moment, but one thing i would like to share with you guys is the power of Community and Friendship, I literally stumbled upon this forum, had no idea that it existed, and thats fantastic because youre all here talking, which means people want to help one another and people also want help.
MUSIC i find is a big coping strategy for me, Nooo theres no point listening to sad tunes when youre down, that really doesnt help at all. no mileage in it, but there are group, bands out there with massive fan bases that are pro-life and like to talk and share and help each other, One of my Favourite Bands in this world is "All Time Low", They absolutley love their fans and always try to help whenever they can and often contact and stay in touch with fans and followers in whatever way they can, They released and extremely powerful track called Missing You, This song and this band and the community in general is the only thing thats kept me hanging on so far, even on the darkest of days i can still smile, and thats a powerful thing considering at step 1 i had the thoughts, step 2, i made my final demands, step 3 i planned and acquired the stuff i needed to be able to end my life as quickly as possible to eliminate any error, the fact that im still here and ive shared this with you all, also makes me smile, i know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and i know at the moment i am relatively safe, and hopefully one day i will be strong enough to dispose of all plans and the stuff i bought in an appropriate way without ever using them.
I want to urge people to think long and hard about what helps them cope, could be anything, cleaning, washing, writing poetry, surrounding yourself with people and friends, whatever it is, find a strategy that helps and minimises the dark thoughts, and use that strategy in the best way you can.
The band and song i talked about can be viewed here -"
" - This is an example of everything they stand for, the Lyrics are moving and heart warming.
Its Saturday here in my tiny corner of the world, Whoever you are, wherever you are, i hope you all have a nice weekend, and remember to smile....x
MUSIC i find is a big coping strategy for me, Nooo theres no point listening to sad tunes when youre down, that really doesnt help at all. no mileage in it, but there are group, bands out there with massive fan bases that are pro-life and like to talk and share and help each other, One of my Favourite Bands in this world is "All Time Low", They absolutley love their fans and always try to help whenever they can and often contact and stay in touch with fans and followers in whatever way they can, They released and extremely powerful track called Missing You, This song and this band and the community in general is the only thing thats kept me hanging on so far, even on the darkest of days i can still smile, and thats a powerful thing considering at step 1 i had the thoughts, step 2, i made my final demands, step 3 i planned and acquired the stuff i needed to be able to end my life as quickly as possible to eliminate any error, the fact that im still here and ive shared this with you all, also makes me smile, i know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and i know at the moment i am relatively safe, and hopefully one day i will be strong enough to dispose of all plans and the stuff i bought in an appropriate way without ever using them.
I want to urge people to think long and hard about what helps them cope, could be anything, cleaning, washing, writing poetry, surrounding yourself with people and friends, whatever it is, find a strategy that helps and minimises the dark thoughts, and use that strategy in the best way you can.
The band and song i talked about can be viewed here -"
Its Saturday here in my tiny corner of the world, Whoever you are, wherever you are, i hope you all have a nice weekend, and remember to smile....x
I've been away for a good while, but here I am again. Having a really bad night. Don't really know exactly what triggered this. I'm just so tired of feeling this way. I have several things I could try to make myself feel better, but I am struggling with having any desire to do it. I'm so f***ing exhausted from struggling against this.
