Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?

Hi, so, just joined. First time joined any sort of forum actually. I don't really know how to begin mostly because this is also very unfamiliar to me. I don't know if I'm depressed, or just plain sad. I do not think my life is ruled by negativity, as I can be quite happy most of the time I think. However, I've noticed that due to certain "pressures" in my life, I've begun to think that simple "ceasing to exist" wouldn't be such a bad thing. At first I dismissed these thoughts as just mood swings or maybe tantrums, but the frequency with which these thoughts occur is daily. I've begun to think that this is unhealthy. I felt that a site such as this would help me better understand what exactly it is I'm going through. Again, this is my first time doing, and if I am perhaps on the wrong thread or part of this site, please do give me guidance. Thank you.
Apman,

"Ceasing to exist" sounds so relieving, un- burdening and easier than the mountain of struggles that get bigger, or simply roll back on to us. I am speaking for myself. I am also new to this. I do not know if I am doing this correctly, all I know is there are people quietly suffering, as I am. I suspect it is easier to egress, than to stay, but who would I have to talk to? I have no family, permanently disabled, in part to my previous marriage, but for some inane reason I am still here. So are you. Why? I do not know if there is a perfect site or therapist. All I know is it is ultimately up to us for survival. I think the planet would not be the same without you. After all, it is the imperfections that make the world beautiful. Take care - Melanie
 
Constantly today, due mainly to this continuous lack of sleep.
SinisterKid,

I have not slept in 25 years, I should have been a Vampire. But than I would have to consist on rodents, etc...just think of all the zooinotic infections! I go to sleep about 1am, up at 3:30-4am. If I could have a single wish it would be to lay down around 10 pm and wake up at 8am...I like the idea of sleeping in. I doubt I will ever sleep. I like your declaration of " think why you are still here." Candidly, I do not know. I am grieving , it is an almost impossible process. I do not want to be here, like many others. But here I am. Thank you for listening.
 
Consistently. But I don't want to feel suicidal anymore. I want to be on the other side of feeling.

A co-worker remarked today that I am rather subdued. Hah, couldn't be anymore right.

Subdued (of a person or their manner) quiet and rather reflective or depressed.​
 
They say you can't save people who don't want to be saved.

I know I want to be saved, it's just that the recurrent thoughts about me being dead is always present that I think maybe I really don't want to be saved. Maybe somehow I actually enjoy being miserable because all the support and advices I don't really listen to any of them.

I could start counting down all friends and even family members who once showed their support are slowly creating distance.

Not blaming them. Do I really need to be physically malfunctioning to get euthanasia? Just because committing suicide is more of a coward act than the euthanasia?

I'm feeling suicidal every day. Not being overacting, I really am.
 
I want to iveeen taketoo many pills I'm a horrible person as mother it I'm alone and all I want to do is ... do it
I've taken so many but my body is used to it
I'm scared to suffer
I'm scared to admit that I'm not strong but
I'm a burden if I stay
I'm so desperate for this pain and bad memories that control me to stop just no more
Ts been weeks feeling this way but feels like years
I can't sufferanymore and or should the people around me I just cannt
 
Im billy im 19 for about a year ive been feeling like I dont belong anywhere I have tried dealing with it alone but I just couldnt do it ive been pushed from home to home and last night I got kicked out of my friends because I had a sanction from the job centre
 
Apman,

"Ceasing to exist" sounds so relieving, un- burdening and easier than the mountain of struggles that get bigger, or simply roll back on to us. I am speaking for myself. I am also new to this. I do not know if I am doing this correctly, all I know is there are people quietly suffering, as I am. I suspect it is easier to egress, than to stay, but who would I have to talk to? I have no family, permanently disabled, in part to my previous marriage, but for some inane reason I am still here. So are you. Why? I do not know if there is a perfect site or therapist. All I know is it is ultimately up to us for survival. I think the planet would not be the same without you. After all, it is the imperfections that make the world beautiful. Take care - Melanie
Hi Melanie,
First of all, thank you for replying. That was extremely kind of you. I was at quite a low when I wrote that paragraph, but I've cheered a bit since then. I hope you know that you existing has cheered me up. I think that makes you special, in that by simply being there you have the power to change someone's mood, whether they are a stranger or not. Maybe that's the inane reason you're still here. Not so inane I guess. Keep existing- Apman
 

Baywasp

I know the world turns and it will turn on me
SF Supporter
I think I annoyed my friend because I was whining about feeling bad and he told me he had to go because he had a long day and he just wanted to relax. he never said that to me and I think he's losing patience with me and if i killed myself I could never annoy anyone ever again.
 

Baywasp

I know the world turns and it will turn on me
SF Supporter
I think I annoyed my friend because I was whining about feeling bad and he told me he had to go because he had a long day and he just wanted to relax. he never said that to me and I think he's losing patience with me and if i killed myself I could never annoy anyone ever again.
i'm so horrible and manipulative and no one should be my friend but i would kill myself if they didn't.
this is what i said recently on facebook to the friend who just moved the other week:
View attachment 3490
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$70.00
Goal
$255.00
Top