If I had done it the first time I thought about it nothing of this would have happened.
Now I am more sure each day. Dying is the only way.
I suffered bullying when I was at high school. I resisted. And what? Did I win anything? Has life paid me for it? Did my sacrifice mean anything? No.
Now is life who is bullying me. Must I resist? For what? Will I have a prize, a compensation for standing here? No
A few hours ago, desperate for how life is being lately (it never stops getting worse but last ten days...It's impossible to describe) I asked life for a sign? Do you guess what happened? My worst fear kept getting bigger and bigger and more and more real. And not only that, if that part of my life wasn't being bad enough, worse each minute, another thing happened: one friend called me to tell me that she got the job of MY dreams (the exact job, in the exact company) without doing anything (the company bought the one she was working it since a month ago). So she got the position I've been applying for almost ten years and I'll never get it. It wouldn't matter, job is not my worst concern, even my dream job. But I asked for a sign and in the following hour my heart got even more broken, my worst fear kept getting more real AND somebody got my dream job without doing anything. So... Yes. Something or somebody is pushing me to commit suicide as soon as possible. Life doesn't want me to keep living, or yes, but for making me even more miserable