Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?
- Thread starter Petal
- Start date
i've been in and out of it today, actually this past month... idk why i feel this way and why i care less and less about how it will affect my cats and people if i end things...
i feel no one will noticed... no will care. nothing will change if i'm gone...
idk if it's the death arround me that's triggering it. be it a cat or a celebrity... or just feeling life is pointless.
i feel no one will noticed... no will care. nothing will change if i'm gone...
idk if it's the death arround me that's triggering it. be it a cat or a celebrity... or just feeling life is pointless.
Yes.
The thoughts are always I wish I was never born, I wish I wouldn't constantly fuck up, I wish I could cease to exist.
Its been bad recently. These last couple of weeks. The fighting and the lack of sleep- 2 hours, maybe, a night- have once again pushed me to my edge. We've been blowing up at each other, and she is much smarter and articulate than I could ever be. Mom comparing me to Dad and her Mom, who was terrible and my feelings are silly and obsolete and all I ever do is cause problems...
I've always been the bad one to deal with problems. I prefer to run away.
I want to sleep and have a nice dream which will convince me to go on. Dreams that fill me with the false hope of this world. Dreams that convince me to keep trying for a while longer. But that's only a temporary solution to a permanent problem...
Im sorry i came here such a problem.
The thoughts are always I wish I was never born, I wish I wouldn't constantly fuck up, I wish I could cease to exist.
Its been bad recently. These last couple of weeks. The fighting and the lack of sleep- 2 hours, maybe, a night- have once again pushed me to my edge. We've been blowing up at each other, and she is much smarter and articulate than I could ever be. Mom comparing me to Dad and her Mom, who was terrible and my feelings are silly and obsolete and all I ever do is cause problems...
I've always been the bad one to deal with problems. I prefer to run away.
I want to sleep and have a nice dream which will convince me to go on. Dreams that fill me with the false hope of this world. Dreams that convince me to keep trying for a while longer. But that's only a temporary solution to a permanent problem...
Im sorry i came here such a problem.
Don't apologize for anything!!! SF was created with the purpose of setting a platform where we can let it all out and help each other! Don't feel ashamed of your feelings and please don't try to hold them in thinking it's just gonna be a burden, it's not!!! Airing you problems may not fix them, but it'll help lessen their weight in my opinion. Let your fellow SF goers help you lift that burden a little bit at a time, we've got you 
Feeling very suicidal everyday at the moment. I accept the hardship I must face everyday as a form of punishment. Yes this is very much self inflicted. I accept this but I continue as I have made a commitment to this person who I caused so much pain. I still cry everyday on my own but it's something I have to live with for rest of my life.
We all make mistakes in life we regret but sometimes if it means taking your life. then you have put things into perspective I will continue to fight my battle with life as its very important and nothing else matter. #LIFEMATTERS
We all make mistakes in life we regret but sometimes if it means taking your life. then you have put things into perspective I will continue to fight my battle with life as its very important and nothing else matter. #LIFEMATTERS
If I had done it the first time I thought about it nothing of this would have happened.
Now I am more sure each day. Dying is the only way.
I suffered bullying when I was at high school. I resisted. And what? Did I win anything? Has life paid me for it? Did my sacrifice mean anything? No.
Now is life who is bullying me. Must I resist? For what? Will I have a prize, a compensation for standing here? No
A few hours ago, desperate for how life is being lately (it never stops getting worse but last ten days...It's impossible to describe) I asked life for a sign? Do you guess what happened? My worst fear kept getting bigger and bigger and more and more real. And not only that, if that part of my life wasn't being bad enough, worse each minute, another thing happened: one friend called me to tell me that she got the job of MY dreams (the exact job, in the exact company) without doing anything (the company bought the one she was working it since a month ago). So she got the position I've been applying for almost ten years and I'll never get it. It wouldn't matter, job is not my worst concern, even my dream job. But I asked for a sign and in the following hour my heart got even more broken, my worst fear kept getting more real AND somebody got my dream job without doing anything. So... Yes. Something or somebody is pushing me to commit suicide as soon as possible. Life doesn't want me to keep living, or yes, but for making me even more miserable
Now I am more sure each day. Dying is the only way.
I suffered bullying when I was at high school. I resisted. And what? Did I win anything? Has life paid me for it? Did my sacrifice mean anything? No.
Now is life who is bullying me. Must I resist? For what? Will I have a prize, a compensation for standing here? No
A few hours ago, desperate for how life is being lately (it never stops getting worse but last ten days...It's impossible to describe) I asked life for a sign? Do you guess what happened? My worst fear kept getting bigger and bigger and more and more real. And not only that, if that part of my life wasn't being bad enough, worse each minute, another thing happened: one friend called me to tell me that she got the job of MY dreams (the exact job, in the exact company) without doing anything (the company bought the one she was working it since a month ago). So she got the position I've been applying for almost ten years and I'll never get it. It wouldn't matter, job is not my worst concern, even my dream job. But I asked for a sign and in the following hour my heart got even more broken, my worst fear kept getting more real AND somebody got my dream job without doing anything. So... Yes. Something or somebody is pushing me to commit suicide as soon as possible. Life doesn't want me to keep living, or yes, but for making me even more miserable
"Life" is neutral - it is not like a person with an intention to make you feel anything, good or bad, but if you believe you are here to be miserable, miserable you will be @Jolene. It's all in the mind only, and if you stop believing this, you might find that " life" reflects a better meaning back to you.
I know @Jolene, it's very hard to go on when your heart is full of pain, but please just try to doubt what your mind is telling you, just a little, and soon you might feel that moment of calm and joy you so deserve.... and more than just a moment because what you really deserve is to be happy and free from these awful thoughts xx