As a matter of fact, I wish I had killed myself before. Now it's late. I wish I was dead already. I should have killed myself three years ago, when I started to think about it. I wouldn't have lived even worse (way worse) things than the ones which made me suicidal in the first place.
I want to be dead... I don't want to exist, but I can't kill myself right now and this is the moment I didn't want to live. It's too late.