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Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?
- Thread starter Petal
- Start date
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10000% supposed to be happy moving into place. Wife text me asking for money and saying he moved out. I don't know what happened but now she is threatening to take my kids away and take all my money. I don't see m3 getting through i can't lose my kids. I think i might do something stupid. I dont belong with my kids. I dont like seeing her struggle but its not right. Im so worthless and hate this is will never be able to live like this
Yes. I had multiple opportunities to leave, to get away from the enemy- including presented by the enemy itself!!! The predator actively allowed a window if escape to a victim of its!!!- and I STILL DIDN'T FUCKING TAKE THE CHANCES!!!
COMPARTMENTALIZING, SUPERFICIAL, UNTHINKING, TRUSTING IDIOT ME!!! I SHOULD KILL ME TO AVENGE ME!! I chose to, FOR NO TRUE REASON, stay in reach of desecration when escape was right there!!
COMPARTMENTALIZING, SUPERFICIAL, UNTHINKING, TRUSTING IDIOT ME!!! I SHOULD KILL ME TO AVENGE ME!! I chose to, FOR NO TRUE REASON, stay in reach of desecration when escape was right there!!
I do think about it more as time goes by. When I was younger and my mom saw that I never took joy or happiness from what was around me and recognized that I was not happy being on Earth or alive. I could be pleased that good happened to others, at times because I helped others, but not once did I have or feel it for myself. I don't feel that my life has mattered to me, for me. Being selfish there. Even every picture from youth to adulthood I never smiled beyond the courtesy smile most share, not ever smiling for myself and that I enjoyed my time living. I have shared a picture or two with others here, my expression is more whatever happens just happens, just like shit. She did ask two things of me:
Never do anything while she still lived. Easy to do, she was always kindly to me, wanting the best for me and my brother and was good hearted to others. Check.
Never be type that took things out on others and decided that other people should suffer also. She never saw malice in me unless someone did me wrong, so Check.
After my nephew, her only grandson, was born to never do anything while he was still a child and maybe think he could have done something different or better like something may be his doing or his fault somehow. He is now 26, a fine young man and enjoying his life.
She always put it as WHEN you do, not IF you do.
With my recent within the past year health issues, continuing and going forward I admit that I do not have to work to live. I can go anytime I feel it is right. That scale is tipping more quickly now to the when aspect.
Never do anything while she still lived. Easy to do, she was always kindly to me, wanting the best for me and my brother and was good hearted to others. Check.
Never be type that took things out on others and decided that other people should suffer also. She never saw malice in me unless someone did me wrong, so Check.
After my nephew, her only grandson, was born to never do anything while he was still a child and maybe think he could have done something different or better like something may be his doing or his fault somehow. He is now 26, a fine young man and enjoying his life.
She always put it as WHEN you do, not IF you do.
With my recent within the past year health issues, continuing and going forward I admit that I do not have to work to live. I can go anytime I feel it is right. That scale is tipping more quickly now to the when aspect.
to @KM76710 My hope is that while food is tasty, the morning air feels good and your pillows feel nice when you lay down for a sleep, that you stay around. Most of us don't know you in person but you are much appreciated and cared for here. Hoping you're aware how vital a part of this family you really are KM
virtual (h)s if they help.
virtual (h)s if they help.