Suicidal thoughts but I don't want to tell anyone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kangaroo2, Mar 18, 2015.

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  1. kangaroo2

    kangaroo2 Well-Known Member

    My situation is nothing compared to what most other people here go through. Still I fell like my life is useless and futile and has been for 8+ years. I am often thinking about something someone did or said 8 or fewer years ago that pissed me off, even though what they did or said doesn't have any impact on my life now. Why keep living if I can't get over trivial shit that people said or did?

    I don't have any plans to end my life or any desire to kill myself because I have people that would be devastated if I did, but I still think on occasion that I should end my life. Can I tell anyone that I am feeling this way (family, friends) and trust that they won't report me or tell me to go to the emergency room? I am NOT going to an inpatient center because I did that one time and they made me wear this stupid ass outfit and one of the nurses there spoke in a condescending manner to me. They also made me wait for hours before I finally got to go into my room which was more like a jail cell, and then I have a camera on me all the time, the bed was uncomfortable, and the breakfast had hardly any food.
  2. kangaroo2

    kangaroo2 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the help from all you considerate people that care.
  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello, I am sorry that I did not reply to your post. Your are important and we do care. I know it's hard but we deal with life on a day by day basis. Please keep posting here for continued support.
  4. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    Hi kangaroo2,

    I can understand your reluctance to tell friends and family how you feel as people often do urge hospitalization upon us if we mention the S word. And your experience with it sounds pretty grim, so it's understandable why you wouldn't want to go back. Is that the only psych ward near you? I've had both good and bad experiences on psych wards - it's worth researching to find the good ones. I've never been in one that had a camera on me - that's pretty demeaning. The hours long wait for the room though - that seems to be par for the course.

    Anyway, what about outpatient help? It sounds a bit like you suffer from obsessive thoughts, which can really induce a lot of unnecessary misery, but there might be medication to help stop them.

    People here do care. I'm a fairly new member myself and I haven't yet figured out why some posts get lots of answers and others don't. Maybe it's the time of day or something. Anyway, there are a lot of compassionate people on this forum and I hope you won't give up on it.
  5. Travsmate

    Travsmate Member

    Hi Kangaroo2,

    I can relate to this,

    My best mate decided he was better off with god September 21 last year and he was just so silent about it beforehand; I mean he would talk but nowhere near the extended needed for everyone involved to help him, he shut out his own mother from his battles and his sister also and then their was everyone else like myself.

    The ability to speak is beyond comprehension as a task however the most important thing is they will listen to you if you decide to open up.

    They no doubt care about you with all their heart and if you don't want to go to an Impatient centre then they'll explore every avenue within the best interest of your health.

    I'm praying for you with every inch of positive spirit.
  6. kangaroo2

    kangaroo2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the replies to the two people who bothered to reply. I feel like a lot of people here and in my life must not give a fuck about me but it is appreciated that some people do.

    There are probably other psych wards in my area but I am not at risk of killing or harming myself. I did do the outpatient thing once but I don't know if I need it. I am on meds already but they might get changed.
  7. Travsmate

    Travsmate Member

    I know it could be hard to understand when all you have in front of you is your struggles but their are other people suffering what your suffering and they may not be in a frame of mind to be able to help but they will be reading and they will be thinking of you.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Kangaroo, apologies for the late reply. There are many reasons as to why some threads don't get many replies including not knowing what to say, don't know how to say what they want to say or just simply don't have the time so please do not take it personally.

    The reason I am replying to this thread is because I can relate to this part of your post

    I completely get that. Totally. Things like that live with me, creep up on me while listening to music or just having dark thoughts. I do not know why but they do come back, and whoever said words don't hurt needs a firm kick up the backside.

    I do hope you begin to feel better soon. Also, welcome to SF.
  9. nothinman81

    nothinman81 Antiquities Friend

    Another person with something similar to say to me. I'm scared to really tell someone how I feel due to where I might end up.
  10. perks16

    perks16 Member

    hi, im sorry for what happen to you. don't be sad ther are still people out there who can help you . talk to you family about that im sure they will understand you.
  11. kangaroo2

    kangaroo2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the replies. A couple days ago was a bad day for me. Things are better now though not good.
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