Suicidal thoughts led me to the darkest place beyond anything I could have ever imagi

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by sincredibly, Mar 6, 2010.

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  1. sincredibly

    sincredibly Member

    Suicidal thoughts led me to the darkest place beyond anything I could have ever imagined

    The following words are expressed through my own experience and my intentions are to help or at the very least better inform anyone who is either contemplating suicide or who has already planned their suicide. The dark times we encounter here on this planet can be incredibly overwhelming to say the least. Sometimes we feel that our only option is to give up completely. You are not alone and you are already back on track if you are reading this post.

    My life thus far has been exhausting to say the least. My parents separated before I could talk and each year was a huge struggle with no end in sight. When we are born into this world we immediately start crying and I believe the crying is a result of separation. Our tears subside through the warmth and Love of our Mother and Father. We soon realize that we must look elsewhere for Warmth and Love because our parents have lives of their own. The seeking continues and now we attempt to "fit in" to society by creating a "masked self" that others can accept. Some of us are good at this feat while others, not so good. Some of us don't end up "fitting in" so we isolate or we use drugs to numb ourselves of the pain only to find the pain is still there.

    I am one among many whom, due to a variety of reasons, failed at creating a mask that my peers accepted. I was an outcast and later went down the path of addiction due to my inability to cope with the pain and suffering. Thoughts of suicide ran through my mind at the age of 13 and peaked at around 22. For the majority of my life I was unaware of why I felt the way I felt and this added to the suffering. Deep down I wished and hoped that one day society would accept me and that one day I would no longer feel separated.

    I attempted suicide just one year ago and was partially successful only the word successful is not the word I would use. As the lights went out I awaited the end result and for some time went unconscious. I woke up in the same room I was in only I was unable to move or speak. The next 72 hours were quite literally the most horrific and unbearable hours of my life. First I observed my suicide unfold - from the cops and paramedics to family and friends. Then I found myself all alone in the room not certain if I was really here or not. A number of demons visited me and initially they seemed pleasant and benevolent. They turned unbearably dark and negative in no time at all and I found myself being picked and pulled at by nasty gray hands which seemed to materialize out of thin air. My feelings of "wanting out" forever lacked in comparison to what I was feeling then - I TRULY "wanted out". The coming days I found myself in two realms - our normal Earthly realm and what I can only describe as absolute Hell. I had demons dive bombing my head which seemed to materialize out of thin air in the day time and at night was surrounded by a multitude of demons and entities.

    I am truly blessed to be alive today and am forever grateful for that blessing. I learned the hard way that no matter how bad it might seem here - there is always worse. I believe that those of us who suffer the most are brave souls that chose, in one way or another, to take on such an experience. Many souls choose a less intensive experience due to their inability to even entertain such pain and suffering. Hats off to you my friend, the light at the end of the tunnel is nigh. :plat:

    Feel free to use these words as if they were your own for truly, they are. :)
     
  2. Raphael1

    Raphael1 Well-Known Member

    Re: Suicidal thoughts led me to the darkest place beyond anything I could have ever i

    Great post. Thanks for taking the time to tell us this.
     
  3. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    Re: Suicidal thoughts led me to the darkest place beyond anything I could have ever i

    Sounds like you hallucinated pretty badly. I'm glad things have gotten better for you.
     
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