Have any of you experienced a suicidal thought as a big wave? You are doing really well and then all of a sudden wham, you feel like your drowning in your suicidal thought? This happens to me....I feel like I'm drowning, or suffocating. I feel like I'm in a rip tide and am swimming with all my strength not to be carried away and out to sea (death). I HATE when it happens, i get so tired of swimming I just want to drown. I am feeling this way right now....writing it down makes it real to me. I see what is happening, I just don't know why???