Suicidal Thoughts - New To Me.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by littlerandom, Feb 24, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. littlerandom

    littlerandom New Member


    Ok so I've never posted on a forum before but I thought I would give it a bash. I've not had a bad life. Infact I'm ashamed at the way I feel because my life hasn't been that bad.

    For the past few years I've noticed I've had many episode of feeling down, lethargic, meaningless and crying alot. I noticed I would get angry at little things and begin to isolate myself. Then suddenly its like someone would flick a switch and then I'd be fine.

    However, for the last 8 months I've noticed something else. It began with me becoming very numb. I couldnt be sad, happy, depressed, angry and felt lifeless and motionless. It's a horrible feeling. It was as if everything I once cared about I just wanted to bin and walk away. From there is has progressed to feeling down, alone, misunderstood and a burden. I feel like everything I do is wrong. I make all the wrong decisions. I cant do anything to pick my mood up. I dont want to get out of bed in the morning for anything or anyone. I've also started making myself sick, punishing myself for anything stupid I say or do. I feel like everyone is angry at me and I make everyone miserable.

    It's got to the point I can't see myself in the future at all. I can't see myself being here a week for now. I dont belong here. This is going to sound weird, but I dont feel depressed. Its more of feeling alone and deflated. I wake up and think whats the point? is all that there is too it? I've also found myself looking at different methods of suicide. What one is suitable for me - I dont deserve quick and painless. I often find myself thinking about how I'm going to die. When I think about being dead I feel content - I feel alive!

    I have told my family and friends about waking up and feeling empty, lonely and questioning is this all there is too it. They dont understand.

    I don't know what to do, I dont know whats wrong with me. Im so confused and I can feel myself edgin towards the end.
  2. Fredericks

    Fredericks Well-Known Member

    Hi littlerandom,

    It sounds an awful lot like depression. I know it can manifest in different ways, and what you're describing is hopelessness, despair, self-hate, which is all a part of depression besides sadness, so maybe you're just not feeling the most common element but all the other ones? Can you think of any even that might have triggered it? If it isn't emotional, maybe it's physical: maybe you've got a dietary deficiency that's been getting progressively worse?

    Try to keep yourself safe and get yourself checked out, by a psych or gp or both. I wish you the best.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.