Hey Ok so I've never posted on a forum before but I thought I would give it a bash. I've not had a bad life. Infact I'm ashamed at the way I feel because my life hasn't been that bad. For the past few years I've noticed I've had many episode of feeling down, lethargic, meaningless and crying alot. I noticed I would get angry at little things and begin to isolate myself. Then suddenly its like someone would flick a switch and then I'd be fine. However, for the last 8 months I've noticed something else. It began with me becoming very numb. I couldnt be sad, happy, depressed, angry and felt lifeless and motionless. It's a horrible feeling. It was as if everything I once cared about I just wanted to bin and walk away. From there is has progressed to feeling down, alone, misunderstood and a burden. I feel like everything I do is wrong. I make all the wrong decisions. I cant do anything to pick my mood up. I dont want to get out of bed in the morning for anything or anyone. I've also started making myself sick, punishing myself for anything stupid I say or do. I feel like everyone is angry at me and I make everyone miserable. It's got to the point I can't see myself in the future at all. I can't see myself being here a week for now. I dont belong here. This is going to sound weird, but I dont feel depressed. Its more of feeling alone and deflated. I wake up and think whats the point? is all that there is too it? I've also found myself looking at different methods of suicide. What one is suitable for me - I dont deserve quick and painless. I often find myself thinking about how I'm going to die. When I think about being dead I feel content - I feel alive! I have told my family and friends about waking up and feeling empty, lonely and questioning is this all there is too it. They dont understand. I don't know what to do, I dont know whats wrong with me. Im so confused and I can feel myself edgin towards the end.