Suicidal thoughts to relieve depression?

Going back and forth on if or how I want to keep going and it isn't easy. Thinking of making it to Labor Day and then just ending it. Had plans that weekend to be at a place where I felt like ending it several years ago. (Have avoided returning there ever since for that reason.) Labor Day gives me enough time to take care of things without dragging it out interminably. I have no idea if I would/could actually go through with it but can't stop thinking about it. Makes the day easier somehow knowing it's an option that would work and that yes/no is the only thing I would have to decide.

 

I think this is slightly different, I don't know but I always used to keep stashes of methods in my house because in some weird way it gave me comfort knowing at any time I could end it all. I think it was the whole control thing. I always felt better when I had stashes of pills hidden away. When I didn't have any available methods I would panic, and then I used to get very creative with hurting myself. I think control was the issue there. So I think I can kinda relate to how you feel.

Have you ever sought any professional help for the way you are feeling?

 

It's always nice to have the option of suicide in the future. It's even nicer to have the option of deciding "no."

I hope you are safe. You deserve the best things in life.

` :butterfly8:

 

Have you ever sought any professional help for the way you are feeling?

Yes I have, both therapy and medication. The meds helped me get through the day, but the days were not good and I felt like a robot (they are better today I hear). The therapist was helpful but we finally hit a dead end and it wasn't cheap.

Glad that you no longer feel the need to keep the pills around.

 

I find that thinking about ending it and even having detailed plans and methods available help keep me going. As Butterfly says it gives some comfort that I can end it. My life; apart from my partner D. who I've been living with for six months; is one long car crash.

 

I have got my method all planned out now, after extensive research and the sense of calm and comfort it brings me knowing HOW it will happen is a real weight off my mind. I'm now settled into a holding pattern of "not quite yet, but soon" as to timing, so am feeling quite calm about the whole thing.

 

The thought of suicide is a powerful comfort; it helps one through many a dreadful night.
- Nietzsche

Intent, however, is something much less soothing.