Suicidal Thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dcj123, Apr 13, 2013.

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  1. dcj123

    dcj123 New Member

    *WARNING* I am going to try and keep this as respectful as possible but I am actively suicidal just as a note

    I am suffering from suicidal thoughts and have been off and on for about two weeks now. I have aspergers which is a mild form of autism and I feel rejected in life. I was molested as a child by my brother and had a horrible awkward sexual experience with an older woman who gave me alcohol and drugs to take advantage of me. I have also failed at college and two jobs due to inability to communicate with others. I've been waiting for social security disability but I feel like I am losing my mind waiting. I never leave my home and every day feels like the same thing. I just pace back and forth thinking about death and inappropriate things related to that.

    I feel I need someone to talk to but am tired of being hospitalized. I am afraid my doctor would have me institutionalized if I brought up suicidal thoughts with him which I have a history of.

    What should I do?
     
  2. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    if the thoughts are that strong call your doctor or a hotline - if the hotline person does not seem sympathetic try another one until you find someone you can relate to

    there are always people here you can talk to at least to let things out

    my son has aspbergers so i have a clue as to what you're going through - do you have a regular therapist?
     
  3. dcj123

    dcj123 New Member

    Well I am too scared to call a hotline because they might call the police and yeah my thoughts are pretty strong. I am leaving a lot out for the sake of following forum rules but I think I am ok saying I am heavily considering suicide.

    I having been posting methods and darker stuff that would violate the rules here on 4chan (An image board) for the last two weeks

    Thats whats screwed up, I don't have medical insurance and am unemployed. I am waiting for social security to be able to have a regular doctor and therapist. I am currently paying out of pocket for a medical doctor but I don't see him near enough to do crap frankly. If I had a therapist to talk to crap may not be so serious now. Its the abuse issues mixed with the social rejection thats causing these darker thoughts. I never got help for anything and it built up inside that I can't take it. My last attempt (Not mentioning method) was over the abuse stuff in its entirety and I never really got over that. Now its worse because of the social rejection of losing two jobs.

    I hope that was coherent, I haven't sleep in a while and need to crash before anything else
     
  4. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry to hear what you went through :hug:

    I think you need some distraction in your life, something that will be able to take your mind of other things and keep you busy for a while. Maybe try doing some volunteer work - you can stop if you feel it's too much, and it gets you out of the house and interacting with people. The more you stay away from people, the worse it gets to take that step.

    There are counselors you can talk to - not all of them are paid and report to someone else. There are people who actually volunteer their time as counselors and they are there to offer advice and to just simply listen if that's what you need. I think that would be a good idea.
     
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    see what your community has to offer - for instance, in my area there's a group that provides counselors based on your ability to pay
     
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