*WARNING* I am going to try and keep this as respectful as possible but I am actively suicidal just as a note I am suffering from suicidal thoughts and have been off and on for about two weeks now. I have aspergers which is a mild form of autism and I feel rejected in life. I was molested as a child by my brother and had a horrible awkward sexual experience with an older woman who gave me alcohol and drugs to take advantage of me. I have also failed at college and two jobs due to inability to communicate with others. I've been waiting for social security disability but I feel like I am losing my mind waiting. I never leave my home and every day feels like the same thing. I just pace back and forth thinking about death and inappropriate things related to that. I feel I need someone to talk to but am tired of being hospitalized. I am afraid my doctor would have me institutionalized if I brought up suicidal thoughts with him which I have a history of. What should I do?