Suicidal thoughts.

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NaotoXMio

Member
#1
#1
Hi, I'm new here.

I've been having suicidal thoughts since i was 16. I'm 21 now. I'm still having suicidal thoughts.

My current situation, I just feel that I don't belong in this world. I hate myself.
Frankly speaking, I have no friends. No one cares about what i do, how i do things. I'm not even employed atm. I've been looking for a job for 2 months now. I feel that no one needs me. I just want to feel wanted... Why is it so hard to feel wanted?
 
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NaotoXMio

Member
#2
#2
My love of my life, told me, Everyone is busy with their own things. She don't even want to take some time off for me. I've been living in a home where i've been waking up to an empty house for 21 years. I hate that. I hate the feeling of being alone. I hate having to wake up to an empty house. I just want someone to be there for me. I'm afraid i can't make it through...
 
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doityourself

Well-Known Member
#3
#3
It sounds like you have alot of stress going on, and thats probably why you cant see anything else but pain and depression. Depression is a awful disease that has so many bad side affects and what your describing is one of them. Do you take meds for your depression?

Do you think once you get a job and are able to get on with that part of life (bills, house, bills) that it would make you feel better and more accomplished?
 
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NaotoXMio

Member
#4
#4
doityourself said:
It sounds like you have alot of stress going on, and thats probably why you cant see anything else but pain and depression. Depression is a awful disease that has so many bad side affects and what your describing is one of them. Do you take meds for your depression?

Do you think once you get a job and are able to get on with that part of life (bills, house, bills) that it would make you feel better and more accomplished?
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I've been trying to do things that make me feel wanted. I need a goal in life. I've my own goals in life. But it feels like no one wants to give me a chance to do the things i want in my life. I'm stressed out. With job hunting, love, friendship. Nothing is going my way. I just want a way out of all this.

No, I'm not on any medication, I'm not seeing any therapist.
 
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NaotoXMio

Member
#5
#5
I've betrayed one of my best friend, for a certain someone.(lets call her A) I thought she is the one for me and i still feel that way, I just want to try my best to make her happy. But i also yearn for her company, i want her to be by my side. Whenever i need her, I wish she would come over and keep my company. I've been making use of another girl, lets call her M. M has always been there for me. Through ups and downs. M loves me. But i've hurted her times and times again. I don't want to make use of her again. I hate myself. Why do i keep making use of M whenever i need someone? I just need A to be here for me. But A has her own life to live, she has exams, her own love life is in a mess too.

I just want someone to be here. I'm so stressed out about jobs too. Why can't anyone just hire me? I know i'll feel better if i feel that i'm wanted. BUT I don't feel that i'm wanted by anyone or anything at all. I'm freaking stressed out. I can't even think straight.
 
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doityourself

Well-Known Member
#6
#6
Yea, it seems like when it rain it pours huh, to me thats how life feels like. I bet once you get the ball rolling everything will fall into place, but who am I to say, Ive been dealing with depression for many of years now. Ive "settled" with the fact that this is the way that I will be, I will always hear the negative thoughts in my mind, the bottom line is do I choose to fight these thoughts, these demons or do I give up and give in to myself and end it all.

I feel that Ive come through some really horrible things in my life, and why would I give up now, Ive made it through it. Ive learned some pretty important lessons from the bad stuff that has happened to me, I feel that it has made me, me.

Im not that into meds and therapy either, Ive been many times for years, but to me its something that I have to control.
 
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doityourself

Well-Known Member
#7
#7
NaotoXMio said:
I've betrayed one of my best friend, for a certain someone.(lets call her A) I thought she is the one for me and i still feel that way, I just want to try my best to make her happy. But i also yearn for her company, i want her to be by my side. Whenever i need her, I wish she would come over and keep my company. I've been making use of another girl, lets call her M. M has always been there for me. Through ups and downs. M loves me. But i've hurted her times and times again. I don't want to make use of her again. I hate myself. Why do i keep making use of M whenever i need someone? I just need A to be here for me. But A has her own life to live, she has exams, her own love life is in a mess too.

I just want someone to be here. I'm so stressed out about jobs too. Why can't anyone just hire me? I know i'll feel better if i feel that i'm wanted. BUT I don't feel that i'm wanted by anyone or anything at all. I'm freaking stressed out. I can't even think straight.
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It sounds like M is there for you, but not the one that you want. Its hard to think straight when the anxiety is to much, the glass is almost full and it will topple over if you dont control it. Can you go for a run, what kind of hobbies do you have?
 
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NaotoXMio

Member
#8
#8
M is not there anymore i guess. I've hurt M too much. It's actually 12am here. I just need someone to get me thru this night.

I've always been waking up to an empty home since i don't know when.
I hate this feeling of lonliness. I need A to be here with me. But she don't want to be here with me. I don't want to look for M, but i'm here texting her. Telling her that i need help. I need someone to stop me from hurting M. I don't want to let things be this way anymore.
 
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NaotoXMio

Member
#9
#9
Now A is pissed off at me. Cause i keep bothering her even when i know she has her own things to do. She needs her own life. But i keep on bothering her. I need to stop.

I need to stop bothering A and M, I know i need to stop all this shit. I just can't stop.

I just wish i could die. Fuck this life man.
 
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doityourself

Well-Known Member
#10
#10
Well if your looking for me to tell you its unfair to USE M then I will say it, she shouldnt be your second choice.

I think you should start with you, forget everyone else around you, worry about whats going on with you.

What kind of work do you do? What kind of work would you like to do?
 
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NaotoXMio

Member
#11
#11
Whats going on with me? I don't even know myself. I'm lost. A just called. She's freaking pissed. Just because everyone around me is busy with their own life. Then i feel like that.

I just feel that i've no place in this world. No one understands.
 
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doityourself

Well-Known Member
#12
#12
Maybe you can take a step back, stop contacting A, leave her alone if thats whats shes asking you to (really before you get into legal trouble)

Look at yourself, has the situation taken over, the situation of not having what you want? Do you think you and A is meant to be, if so why did the relationship not work out? Remember why your not together? Does that help?
 
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NaotoXMio

Member
#13
#13
I just want someone to be here for me, to encourage me. To make me move on with my life. But it seems like i have to deal with all this all alone.

And i can't take it being alone anymore.
 
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doityourself

Well-Known Member
#14
#14
You may have to do this part alone, esp if your not willing to go and talk to someone, but once you get yourself settled maybe the others will come into place, right now you cant think past certain issues, and its crowding up your brain not letting anything else in and thats whats causing the anxiety and stress. You need to do something to release that stress, whether it be hitting up the gym, dancing to some music, or cleaning the house (those are mine, well not the gym part), get some of that negative energy out and then revisit whats bringing it all on.
 
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NaotoXMio

Member
#15
#15
I've tried, I've tried going to gym, cleaning my house, tried everything to release this stress.

I cannot take this stress anymore. I just need someone there to push me. To get me out of here.

Even A says that, Just because i feel this way i need someone to be there but she said, No one is there. i have to due with this alone. I have to stand up on my own.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE ANYMORE. ITS FREAKING 21 YEARS ALREADY. WHY CAN'T SOMEONE JUST BE THERE FOR ME?! ARGH
 
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doityourself

Well-Known Member
#18
#18
Then you should really think about maybe a therapy session, I know its something that most dont want to do, but its good to be able to talk to someone, just to get everything off of your back, letting it all out is a stress reliever.
 
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