Suicidal thoughts.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by abcdef, Aug 25, 2012.

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  1. abcdef

    abcdef New Member

    My nickname is Steven and I am 18 years old.
    I will not post my full name due to the fact that I don't want this being found by family or friends and traced back to me.

    I have been having suicidal thoughts lately for various reasons.

    Reason number one is because of my girlfriend. She is the first and only girl I have ever had a relationship with.
    Her and I started talking/building toward a relationship in December 2012, and maybe a month or two after we had our first kiss, but weren't going out or anything, it was just a kiss. Immediatly the day after our first kiss her ex-boyfriend walks back into her life and she completly sidelines me, now it did hurt alot but not as much because we had just started talking and feelings werent too strong, and eventually she realized she liked me more and she just cut him off completly. I got her roses on valentines day and everything was going smoothly, on march 21st we officially started going out and she broke up with me 3 weeks later because, it didn't feel right. At the end of the school year she said she missed the old me, because I started smoking weed and haning with bad crowds, flirting with other girls and ignoring her and shutting her down. But when she gave me the whole " I miss you, you've changed " speach she got to me and she asked me to prom. Everything was going smoothly again. On June 15 we went to Orlando Florida where disney, universal, and other theme parks are located we spent about 4 days there together with other class mates, we got pretty intimate every night at bed time, but we didnt have sex because we are both virgins and wanted to wait for a right time, not in a hotel room full of sleeping people. We had a great time and I had fallen in love completly. When we return from the trip her mom, whom does not allow her to have a relationship even though she is 18 found out and she tried her hardest to keep her away from me. So her mom allowed her to go out with one guy her first boyfriend one she had dated for 5 years from middle to high school at first she didnt want to leave me for him, but her mom brought him over and she fell back in love with him, the worst part is this guy was my bestfriend. But eventually she started texting me again and she said she made a mistake, that she still loves me and like an a sucker I took her back, and everything has been great since then. Besides everything being great I still have this huge nervousness that she will leave me one day and I will again be filled with lonliness and emptiness. Plus we only see each other once in a while since she has to sneak from her mom.

    Reason two family problems
    My whole family consist of drug-dealers who have been convicted my older brother is in and out of jail, my mom is this close to being locked away, and both have a cocaine addiction.

    My 2 oldest sister tried to help my dad steal me from my mom when I was young, so they talk to no one else in the family. My other sister is a pill popping animal that doesn't let my mom see her grand kids, so there is no communication there either.

    My mom's only form of communication due to the stress she is dealing with is screaming angrily at everyone.

    Me and my twin brother spend everyday of our lives arguing.

    My grandmothers sister, just passed away and even tho we werent to close i went to her funeral and that scard me

    Reason three

    I hate living in my home

    We moved in with my grandfather and my constantly is trying to make us seem like a model family for him and the house is invested with fleas, bed bugs, and all kinds of things and its like this constantly annoying itch all the time.

    and to top it off I just crashed my moms car nothing to major, but it just tipped the cup! My stress is at a maximum!

    I AM JUST HATING LIFE RIGHT NOW!
    I FEEL THIS COLD EMPTY FEELING INSIDE!

    I was wondering is someone can provide me with a painless method of suicide.... Thats all....
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, no one here will provide you with a suicide methods. It's against the sites guidelines, but please keep talking, you sound like you are going through a very rough patch.There is ALWAYS hope that things will get better, cling onto that hope,I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. :hug:
     
  3. jamesonnk

    jamesonnk Member

    I swear that things are going to get better. I know that is such a cheesy thing that you've heard a million times before but I swear it's true. I have wanted to die so many times I've lost count. I got on medication, i got out of that situation, and things are so much better. You can ALWAYS get out of that house and situation. I have faith in you sweetie, and I swear that when you look back on this, you're going to be so proud of yourself. I'm always here if you need talk. Anytime.
     
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