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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Nessarose, Apr 24, 2007.

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  1. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    My medication today cost $700+. I have about $300 from working that I can give my mom, but she keeps saying how all her money is going toward my medication, and that work is the most important thing for me to do right now. I started out taking seventeen college units and am down to three, partly so I can work more hours and partly because my depression got too bad for me to handle anything. My insurance does reimburse us, but it takes a long time.

    I really have no point or purpose in life. I wish I would have died when I was seven months old (I nearly did, but unfortunately lived). I can't deal with my depravity and my medication is more expensive over time than a simple funeral would be. At this rate, I am never going to finish college, and suicide seems the most reasonable solution.
  2. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Hi Nessarose.

    Maybe you are finding your purpose in life, and on that, I don't know if ones purpose is ever set in stone. Maybe it's the quest for our purpose that gives us that drive, as opposed to where some think once we know our purpose that drive will be there.

    Can I ask why you are on medication?

    No matter what the reason though, there are solutions so you can balance the funding for them and continue your education.

    Sendin you warm thoughts guy :smile:
  3. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member


    I'm schizophrenic and I'm taking Zyprexa (now 20 mg a day). It is insanely expensive, and the psychiatrist doesn't want to switch my medication until I'm "doing better."
  4. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Have you told your doctor that by keeping you on this drug its making your life financially unstable, and effectively making things worse? Maybe they know of some more efficant plans out there to help cope with your situation.
  5. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    My psychiatrist has promised to switch me to a new medication when I'm doing/ feeling better. I've also gained a lot of weight from it.

    I see her again Thursday, so hopefully she'll change it then. And hopefully it will be much cheaper.
  6. KavithaB

    KavithaB Member


    Can I please take the liberty to suggest you to try meditation? It will calm you down and you will slowly get cured. You need to parallely be on medication and slowly reduce the medication and increase your meditation. If you need any help please PM me.

  7. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    I hope so to Nessarose. Maybe you can have a good chat with your psychiatrist and you two can work out a better solution to this problem. Best wishes on Thursday :smile:
  8. i was on that medication for a long time, it does cause significant weight gain.. keep trying it until the period of time for it to take effect is over ( roughly 4-8 weeks i think i could be wrong) after that if you feel benefit it may be worth asking for something very similar or trying to find a way of getting some support for the cost of medications. obviously your psychiatrist can only help if you tell them all about everything, so explian the financial situation, good luck :)
  9. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    I feel awful today. Feel like hanging myself. I don't know what it is. Also, I feel like a fat loser.
  10. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    I feel like crap today. Argh. I wonder if I should stop the Zoloft. I know it has to be helping, but I still feel...ick.
  11. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    I don't feel like I can function. I almost feel the way I do before I was hospitalized. I don't know if my medication is working any more. All I want to do is sleep. I don't think I'm going to hurt myself, but I don't want to be awake, either.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 5, 2007
  12. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    Sometimes I don't know why I feel suicidal. I just...do. If I weren't so afraid of Hell I'd probably be gone by now. I don't see the point in anything.
  13. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    Does anyone else ever feel really suicidal without knowing the cause? I thought I was having a good day this morning and I didn't feel like killing myself, but now...

    Maybe it's work. Or school. Probably work. I don't know.
  14. Kramer

    Kramer Well-Known Member

    :( hi nessarose, im sorry that your feeling this way but please try to keep a good outlook on things and if u want to talk pm me or i can give you my msn/aim/skype/yahoo
  15. sopostmodernn

    sopostmodernn New Member

    Nessa, I am so sincerely sorry.

    Sometimes it just makes me sick how greedy the medication companies can be....

    I have depression, and I am only 16 so I won't pretend to act like I can understand the stress you are under, but I feel like my Zoloft does nothing. Is it possible for you to control is naturally?

    I feel like killing myself a lot. Sometimes the triggers seem invisible, but when I think about them more clearly I can usually detect the reasoning. Unfortunately, I feel like it is just a fact of my life...

    Sometimes I just draw knives on wrists, and I know this is very unhealthy...but like somebody told me, how cliche is may be, we have to hold on. You mention not knowing your purpose in life, yes? Well...what are you in college for? What are you studying? I think one of the sad things about suicide is that a lot of people do it because they can't perform the changes they'd like to...a lot of times this is true. But what I think is great about life is that we can always just hit the road and chase our dreams. Perhaps a redirection is in call for if you are feeling without purpose.

    If you ever feel like talking, my mail is sopostmodernn@aol.com :]

  16. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    Thank you, guys. You're really sweet. :hug:
  17. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    Very bad day today. I flat out suck. I'm a huge whale. I'm a cowardly, irresponsible, frigid bitch.

    Lots of suicidal feelings. I don't bring anything positive to this world.

    Edit: No responses needed, and sorry to spam this topic.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2007
  18. Cybrsk8r

    Cybrsk8r Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry your feeling so bad today. :hug: I'm having a pretty bad time myself right now. Me, and everyone else here care about you because we know firsthand how terrible and frightening it can be.

    As to spamming this topic, what's so bad about that? I think you're looking for a response. To know that someone out there cares. There's nothing wrong with that. I do it, too. I log on here hoping someone cared enough to post some kind gentle words for me.

    PM me if you need to talk. I'm here several times each day.

  19. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    I'm schizophrenic also. Have you tried applying for medicaid or any form of medical coverage/help? My card came just the other day so now all my medication is free.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2007
  20. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest

    Depression is a very complex illness.I also dreaded spring time becoz even it is a good change my brain seems cannot handle it.And worst of all is the stigma that comes along with it.Looking around us is already a reality that we live to work,then our brain have to battle them an extra mile for whatever it is our brain has sumthin missing or malfunctioning . Remember what Tipper Gore says? It is a constant battle.I lowered my expectation & accomodate my weakness yet I am still driven to suicide if not for my family. The unknown soldiers who battles depression.That's us..........
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