Suicidal

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Nessarose

Well-Known Member
#1
My medication today cost $700+. I have about $300 from working that I can give my mom, but she keeps saying how all her money is going toward my medication, and that work is the most important thing for me to do right now. I started out taking seventeen college units and am down to three, partly so I can work more hours and partly because my depression got too bad for me to handle anything. My insurance does reimburse us, but it takes a long time.

I really have no point or purpose in life. I wish I would have died when I was seven months old (I nearly did, but unfortunately lived). I can't deal with my depravity and my medication is more expensive over time than a simple funeral would be. At this rate, I am never going to finish college, and suicide seems the most reasonable solution.
 

Axiom

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#2
Hi Nessarose.

Maybe you are finding your purpose in life, and on that, I don't know if ones purpose is ever set in stone. Maybe it's the quest for our purpose that gives us that drive, as opposed to where some think once we know our purpose that drive will be there.


Can I ask why you are on medication?

No matter what the reason though, there are solutions so you can balance the funding for them and continue your education.

Sendin you warm thoughts guy :smile:
 

Nessarose

Well-Known Member
#3
Thanks.

I'm schizophrenic and I'm taking Zyprexa (now 20 mg a day). It is insanely expensive, and the psychiatrist doesn't want to switch my medication until I'm "doing better."
 

Axiom

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#4
Have you told your doctor that by keeping you on this drug its making your life financially unstable, and effectively making things worse? Maybe they know of some more efficant plans out there to help cope with your situation.
 

Nessarose

Well-Known Member
#5
My psychiatrist has promised to switch me to a new medication when I'm doing/ feeling better. I've also gained a lot of weight from it.

I see her again Thursday, so hopefully she'll change it then. And hopefully it will be much cheaper.
 
#6
Hi,

Can I please take the liberty to suggest you to try meditation? It will calm you down and you will slowly get cured. You need to parallely be on medication and slowly reduce the medication and increase your meditation. If you need any help please PM me.

Thanks,
Kavitha
 

Axiom

Account Closed
#7
My psychiatrist has promised to switch me to a new medication when I'm doing/ feeling better. I've also gained a lot of weight from it.

I see her again Thursday, so hopefully she'll change it then. And hopefully it will be much cheaper.
I hope so to Nessarose. Maybe you can have a good chat with your psychiatrist and you two can work out a better solution to this problem. Best wishes on Thursday :smile:
 
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black_rose_13

#8
i was on that medication for a long time, it does cause significant weight gain.. keep trying it until the period of time for it to take effect is over ( roughly 4-8 weeks i think i could be wrong) after that if you feel benefit it may be worth asking for something very similar or trying to find a way of getting some support for the cost of medications. obviously your psychiatrist can only help if you tell them all about everything, so explian the financial situation, good luck :)
 

Nessarose

Well-Known Member
#11
I don't feel like I can function. I almost feel the way I do before I was hospitalized. I don't know if my medication is working any more. All I want to do is sleep. I don't think I'm going to hurt myself, but I don't want to be awake, either.
 
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Nessarose

Well-Known Member
#12
Sometimes I don't know why I feel suicidal. I just...do. If I weren't so afraid of Hell I'd probably be gone by now. I don't see the point in anything.
 

Nessarose

Well-Known Member
#13
Does anyone else ever feel really suicidal without knowing the cause? I thought I was having a good day this morning and I didn't feel like killing myself, but now...

Maybe it's work. Or school. Probably work. I don't know.
 

Kramer

Well-Known Member
#14
:( hi nessarose, im sorry that your feeling this way but please try to keep a good outlook on things and if u want to talk pm me or i can give you my msn/aim/skype/yahoo
 
#15
Nessa, I am so sincerely sorry.

Sometimes it just makes me sick how greedy the medication companies can be....

I have depression, and I am only 16 so I won't pretend to act like I can understand the stress you are under, but I feel like my Zoloft does nothing. Is it possible for you to control is naturally?

I feel like killing myself a lot. Sometimes the triggers seem invisible, but when I think about them more clearly I can usually detect the reasoning. Unfortunately, I feel like it is just a fact of my life...

Sometimes I just draw knives on wrists, and I know this is very unhealthy...but like somebody told me, how cliche is may be, we have to hold on. You mention not knowing your purpose in life, yes? Well...what are you in college for? What are you studying? I think one of the sad things about suicide is that a lot of people do it because they can't perform the changes they'd like to...a lot of times this is true. But what I think is great about life is that we can always just hit the road and chase our dreams. Perhaps a redirection is in call for if you are feeling without purpose.

If you ever feel like talking, my mail is [email protected] :]

-alex
 

Nessarose

Well-Known Member
#17
Very bad day today. I flat out suck. I'm a huge whale. I'm a cowardly, irresponsible, frigid bitch.

Lots of suicidal feelings. I don't bring anything positive to this world.

Edit: No responses needed, and sorry to spam this topic.
 
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Cybrsk8r

Well-Known Member
#18
I'm sorry your feeling so bad today. :hug: I'm having a pretty bad time myself right now. Me, and everyone else here care about you because we know firsthand how terrible and frightening it can be.

As to spamming this topic, what's so bad about that? I think you're looking for a response. To know that someone out there cares. There's nothing wrong with that. I do it, too. I log on here hoping someone cared enough to post some kind gentle words for me.

PM me if you need to talk. I'm here several times each day.

:hug:
 

LostMyMind

Well-Known Member
#19
I'm schizophrenic also. Have you tried applying for medicaid or any form of medical coverage/help? My card came just the other day so now all my medication is free.
 
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Bostonensis

#20
Depression is a very complex illness.I also dreaded spring time becoz even it is a good change my brain seems cannot handle it.And worst of all is the stigma that comes along with it.Looking around us is already a reality that we live to work,then our brain have to battle them an extra mile for whatever it is our brain has sumthin missing or malfunctioning . Remember what Tipper Gore says? It is a constant battle.I lowered my expectation & accomodate my weakness yet I am still driven to suicide if not for my family. The unknown soldiers who battles depression.That's us..........
 
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