suicidal

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by takencontrol, Nov 15, 2010.

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  1. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    i really dont think i can hold on much longer. never felt so alone and this i feel is my last option to stay alive. everything is a fight just now, every breath, every movement. every little thing feels like the last. how do i get through this serious crisis. never have i felt so low.
     
  2. Doxic

    Doxic Member

    Talk to someone. Anyone. So many people do care in your life.
     
  3. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    You do need to talk to someone and also go and get some medical help. What is the background here? Have you been seeing your doctor?
    Sending hugs
    x
     
  4. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    ive suffered bouts of depression for 15yrs now. in the last 4yrs its got much worse but the last few months has been the worst. my dad died and i have feelings of guilt surrounding that i had a 2yr old and was 6 months pregnant. i went on to have 2 more kids after that. ive never got over my dads death. i was raped when i was 15 and never told anyone until 4yrs ago. i turned to alcohol to block out all the feelings i had and finally got help for that about 2yrs ago. i dont use alcohol as much now and have a key worker and also a psychiatrist and psychologist. i missed my apps with both because i couldnt face what i know is going to be the hardest thing i ever do. ive isolated myself from everyone by staying in and not seeking the help i so desperately need and feel ive backed myself into a corner. to make matters worse ive run out of meds but lost the will to help myself get out of this crisis. i hope all that makes sense.
     
  5. Ouroboros

    Ouroboros Chat Buddy

    :hug: can you call either your key worker/psychiatrist/psychologist? they may be able to come to you rather than the other way around and try to help you get back up on your feet.
     
  6. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    im finding it really difficult just now i dont want to talk to anyone and not been out for days this is the only contact ive been havind with anyone.
     
  7. Ouroboros

    Ouroboros Chat Buddy

    its ok hun :hug: I've hidden away like that too, its hard to get out of and not going to help you. You want to get out of this crisis though, so thats a good thing, finding the strength to do it though is something very different. Just take it step by step, you're talking here, thats good, maybe next step is text someone, anyone, doesn't matter, doesn't even matter what u say, try to step outside - you can do so in a way you feel safe - if you have your own outside space. Then take it up a level step by step. its all about small steps and not pushing urself but u need to make the steps then you can get the help.
    As you have missed your appointments though won't they try to contact you at all?
    Don't give up, it might seem impossible right now but its not when u break everything down into things you feel u can achieve :hug:
     
  8. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    i think they will send out another app but not sure. i just wish i could end this pain quick and simple.
     
  9. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    someone i dont know has just saved my life for now.
     
  10. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    i really desperately need help
     
  11. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Can you phone your doctor? I don't know where you are so don't know if you're under the NHS or not.
    I also think that you're expecting far too much of yourself. I'm not surprised that you're in crisis. I am surprised that you're not in hospital. You need some time and space to get better because you can't be expected to go through all of this on your own.
    Am I right in thinking that you now have 4 children under the age of 6? Or did I read that wrong? That in itself is enough to send any woman over the edge and I don't say that lightly.
    Now add the grief of losing your father, again something that would send many people over the edge.
    Plus the Post Traumatic stress you must be suffering from as a survivor of rape.
    I'm amazed that you've managed to get on here and post to be honest. It just goes to show that you're a much stronger person than most people and you're far stronger than you know.
    Now you have to be practical. Is there anyone there can contact your doctor for you and get you some meds? Is there anyone who can contact the psych and make new appointments?
    Otherwise, is there any way that you can get to the local A&E for help? Almost everybody isolates themselves so don't worry about that one. It's part of the illness and will show just how bad you've got.
    The good news is that you've had enough strength to post here, so you've still got some fight in you. Hang onto that and try to focus on each step you have to take. xxxx
     
  12. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    i have four girls between 8 and 15. i phoned to get apps with my psychiatrist and psychologits but the secretary wasnt very helpfulshe just said leave it with me, i dont know what to do now. im in scotland.
     
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