Last night was awful. I don't want to go into details about what happened but it was embarrassing, and made me feel like an outcasted, worthless piece of shit. And I'm pretty convinced that that was my first look into what the new year will bring. I don't want to stick around for the rest of it. For anyone. I don't feel like they deserve to not feel sad. My ferrets, however, are the hardest right now. I don't want to leave them alone...I love them both more than anything. So, since I can't do the deed, I just want to get really high or drunk so that I don't have to be in this state of mind at least.