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suicide - an addiction?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by annie-crafts, Jan 13, 2009.

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  1. annie-crafts

    annie-crafts Well-Known Member

    does anyone else think that their suicidal thinking is like an addiction? like an drug addict, i always have suicide with me. my best friend, my worst enemy. whenever i feel down, i'm planning or thinking about my suicide. it feels like an addiction because i feel like the suicidal thoughts are in control, not me. it's always an option - does this make sense to anyone?
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I agree..to me su ideation is like OCD...I obsess on it when I am not doing well...in some ways, it is a safe place...big hugs, J
  3. annie-crafts

    annie-crafts Well-Known Member

    I"m glad you understand. when i try to tell people who aren't su, even dr and therapists, they don't quite get it. and yes it is a "safe" place. to crawl in my bed and think about it make me feel in control somehow. but what keeps me from acting on it is that i just want to stay in bed and feel safe.
  4. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    this is exactly what i do
  5. HateMeToday

    HateMeToday Active Member

    I totally feel the same way no matter what it's always there i think even if i was to be happy i'd still think about it.
  6. annie-crafts

    annie-crafts Well-Known Member

    it seems like there is no escape from it
  7. Lennie

    Lennie Well-Known Member

    I agree. I described it as some kind of addiction and obsession when they locked me up. I tried to explain to them that it is always with me regardless of what good or bad things are going on in my life, but alas they have failed to grasp the concept.
  8. annie-crafts

    annie-crafts Well-Known Member

    it's makes me feel so "sane" when all you guys feel the same thing. i've tried to explain it to so many people and they just look at me like i'm some kind of freak. and then i have to lie to them about having a plan. F*%$, I always have a plan. it's my way out, it keeps me safe.

    thanks for the support
  9. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    I know how it is... Although i only dream about it (i know that i wont attempt...)
  10. annie-crafts

    annie-crafts Well-Known Member

    I've tried it. but i'm still here. i used to think that i would never try and put myself in the hospital when i was feeling really suicidal. then something came over me and the suicidal voices in my head took over and i had a massive od last Jan. now i'm really struggling. and the year before that i had an od in feb. it' s like become a pattern and the voices are lurking saying "it's that time of the year again" even though i said that i would never attempt after the holidays cuz it's so cliche. but it's just another fuking year and i am doubtful that things will change....
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forum Annie,
    I live with my suicidal thoughts dailey, but have learned to address them when I get up in the morning. I live my life around them. My therapist has told me that I will more than likely have them the rest of my life. You just have to learn to cope with them.~Joseph~
  12. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    my psychiatrist recognized the compulsive aspect of my si. A combination of therapy and meds has helped me see what's happening and what I can do about it.
  13. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I think that a lot of people here suffer from 'suicide addiction.' "If things go bad, I can always kill myself..." This type of thinking has to end if you ever want to get over depression/suicidal thoughts. If something goes bad, then you have to try and do better next time.
  14. Lady Fler

    Lady Fler Member

    always an option, but when you're looking for help - you don;t usually get one. No one like whiners
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

  16. annie-crafts

    annie-crafts Well-Known Member

    Please don't judge me. I feel really judged for expressing what I am going thru and wondering if anyone else feels the same. I have been working so so so hard to get over the SI and I"m at a loss. I know i have to give it up to move on. You don't know me, my situation or the intense work that I've done around this issue. Please don't judge me. I am not a whiner. You don't know me to say that to me. It's a cruel thing to say. I thought this was a safe forum to express what I'm going thru and not be judged. I thought this was supposed to be a safe place to get and give support.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 14, 2009
  17. Shiroi_Hana

    Shiroi_Hana Well-Known Member

    Makes perfect sense to me. I think about it every single day, at least two or three times. I know it's not healthy, but I can't stop. I feel like I have to think about it, and not only that, but I want to as well. It's like I need to think about it like I need to smoke, or drink water. It's very strange.
  18. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm not judging you annie. I've really sorry if my response sounded judemental. I was just expressing that if you want to overcome this, then you have to give up this type of 'suicide addiction' thinking. This is a safe forum hun. Sorry about the misunderstanding. :hug:
  19. annie-crafts

    annie-crafts Well-Known Member

    Dave N

    Believe me I know that I have to give it up. I can't even count the number of therapy sessions and my own time spent on this. I originally started this discussion to see if any others felt the same. But I'm at a real stuck point where I don't know how to give it up and I'm wondering if others have been able to conquer this. And how they've conquered this. And it's not a matter of "Oh, if things don't go right, I"ll just kill myself." I have had suicidal thinking for over 20 years daily and I'm trying so hard to give it up. (and i've only acted on it 4 times in 20 years, I think that says something.) Now when I have suicidal thinking, it's because I've had depression for so so long, tried every med, different types of therapy and even ECT twice. Now when I think about it, it's because I can't take it anymore - the trying and trying and trying and not getting anywhere. I'm worn out, exhausted. I think of suicide because I really don't want to be here anymore, I have nothing left to give. I don't know if I can survive anymore. I'm searching for others for who have overcome this. I just felt like the responses were judging me because the seemed like they were saying - all I had to do was "give it up" and it was going to be easy and if I couldn't do it then stop "whining" about it.

    I'm really at a loss about this. I didn't realize that this forum was mostly younger folks, and that there was a forum for people over 30. Maybe I need to take this discussion there to find out if and how others have overcome. I'm just trying to get some validation, support and ideas. That's all.

    Apology accepted, I can assume it was with good intention.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 14, 2009
  20. Gabe90

    Gabe90 Member

    No. I think they are a self-defense mechanism from anxiety. Thinking about a way out of a stressful situation, even if only in fantasy, is better than the pressure of the stress.

    But it's effect is very limited. Since we are still stressful..
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