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Suicide and Last Appointment?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dead-alive, Feb 15, 2013.

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  1. dead-alive

    dead-alive Member

    Suicide and Last Appointment?
    Well, Hello Guys, I need to see my therapist for the last time and then commit suicide, <mod edit, WildCherry> I need her to be the last thing to see before a good bye, she is the only one I can see in her the security I would feel with a mother I have always been deprived from, I am not kidding or trolling by the way!

    <Mod Edit, WildCherry>
    If you think I have no Problems no! and yes I am a weak person I know, so no need for rude comments, I already feel worthless!

    sexual abuse by same sex and opposite sex people,
    physical abuse by siblings,mom and dad,
    attachments to many people searching for a mother figure
    deprived from mother when was 10 (he entered her life)
    dad trying to sexually Assault my mother in front of me
    my mother being beaten in front of me
    my skin being burned by my sis when I was 5
    bullied in school between the age of 19 and 16 emotionally
    bullied in school physically between the age of 5 and 8
    Betrayed by all friends
    have no family
    raped 1 week ago
    had been a religious person before I.....
    have Glaucoma on both eyes, have a bad eye that looks so ugly, big and blue!
    most of the people made fun of me!
    You will make fun of me now
    emotional Sexual bullying, being called a les in high school
    being called a shame and a prostitute of this family in my childhood
    I bring nothing but sorrow to mom
    I did everything wrong and everything happened wrong to me
    I have no one in my life, no friends no family nothing!
    I don;t want to be thrown in hell, but, you know what? I will be thrown in hell in the end because I do nothing towards my religion! .........and more and more and more( I can still remember my self grabbing my mom's leg crying on the floor, begging her to stay because I need her and not go for him) THEY ALL HUMILIATED ME!

    <Mod Edit, WildCherry>
    I am 20 years old I have OCD, Depression and attachment disorder as well :) Thanks :)

    <Mod Edit, WildCherry>
  2. DariaJane

    DariaJane Active Member


    Dear, I am so sorry that you are in such pain. You are only 20 years old. Everything wrong right now can be fixed or at least improved. You can have a life! Please do not do what you are planning. I am praying that you don't. The human body and mind have amazing abilities to heal. You can get your eye fixed and get therapy, both professional and with friends to try to deal with the past abuse. It is in the past. It is done and over. If it is not over, get away from the situation. There is nothing you listed that cannot be dealt with and you can feel better and have a whole new life. Believe me, I am older and wiser and also a RN. Go somewhere that you will not be allowed to hurt yourself for a bit and you have a better state of mind. A hospital, I know it is an ugly word and thought, but at least you would be safe, from YOU.

    Right now the depression it is talking, not you. Get help at a hospital until YOU come back. Like I said, I know all these things can be changed. Please believe me. Please message me and DO NOT HURT YOURSELF!!!

    I CARE...Karen
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi d-alive. I am sorry your life has been so horrible. I have known so many who have the most horriffic stories of abuse to tell. Some have managed to find a lot of peace. no, the people I know did not find it at your age. But they were able to find it. I am positive that they did not think, when they were your age, that they would ever find relief from the living hell they were in. But they found much more than relief. They still are healing. But they have an inner strength and perception that few can have. Because of the horrors that they went through. I am hoping this is possible for you as well. And I am hoping you can stay alive so you get to expereince something beside the horrible pain abuse and abandonment that you have had to endure in your short life.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun hope you can reach out to your therapist hun and get the support you need to keep fighting ok. You are 20 hun you can heal you can As stated hun right now dam depression is not letting you see that I have been were you are now 18yrs old i was hun i know your in pain but it can end hun with your T helping you with meds you can fight back and you can have a future hun with peace in it. hugs
  5. Lost in translation

    Lost in translation Active Member

    Hi dead-alive, your post speaks directly on how you feel and I'm sorry you have had such a hard go up to this point. You have been through so much at a young age, yet you managed to make it this far and you should be proud of yourself for that. Life can be incredibly hard this I know. I deal with the same issues with wanting to end it, but I keep striving daily for a better life for myself, free of this depression and feeling of unworthiness. You have so many great years ahead of you and I know it's hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel but its there. Please reconsider what your thinking, trust me in a few years you'll wonder why you were even thinking this way! There are lots of people on here to talk with including myself and we can all help each other by listening and sharing out thoughts. So I hope you change your mind and decide to stay here on sf with us!
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