I really don't know what to say. I've been feeling suicidal for almost a year (give or take a month or two), but its been worse the last three months due to breaking up with my long term girlfriend. I can't blame her leaving me, I'm an emotional mess; on a good day life seems like an ever lasting struggle. Most days I have really bad crying spells that come and go, other days I mix up a cocktail of xanax, whiskey, weed, and sleeping pills to stay in dazed state all day. In the past three months I've went from 200 to 160 lbs mostly due to not eating and replacing food with alcohol and pills. I hate being caught up in self-pity, but I'm at the end of my rope and I can't live like this anymore. I feel like I'm writing this just so some one can hear me and understand how I feel. I feel selfish for feeling this way because I live a comfortable life for the most part, and I should be thankful for that. But I'm not. I'm not happy and I feel like a year was a long enough wait, I feel like its time to get it over with.