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Suicide and other Comforts.

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#1
I really don't know what to say. I've been feeling suicidal for almost a year (give or take a month or two), but its been worse the last three months due to breaking up with my long term girlfriend. I can't blame her leaving me, I'm an emotional mess; on a good day life seems like an ever lasting struggle. Most days I have really bad crying spells that come and go, other days I mix up a cocktail of xanax, whiskey, weed, and sleeping pills to stay in dazed state all day. In the past three months I've went from 200 to 160 lbs mostly due to not eating and replacing food with alcohol and pills. I hate being caught up in self-pity, but I'm at the end of my rope and I can't live like this anymore.

I feel like I'm writing this just so some one can hear me and understand how I feel. I feel selfish for feeling this way because I live a comfortable life for the most part, and I should be thankful for that. But I'm not. I'm not happy and I feel like a year was a long enough wait, I feel like its time to get it over with.
 

Speedy

Staff Alumni
#2
Hi, and welcome to the forums here, where your voice can be heard. I'm glad you found SF; I hope it's a great place for you to express yourself. :hug: Take good care...Mr. A
 
#3
xxxxx I am suffering more than I thought humanly possible from a benzo withdrawal ATM, so PLEASE put down the xanax and booze, (that's a deadly combination). Exercise, if your able to, naturally releases chemicals and endorphins that make you feel good. I never realized how much brain chemistry really matters in how you feel. xxxx Depression is a science. Cognitive behavioral therapy is supposedly very beneficial too. It creates new neural pathways that will help you create a better feeling/mood towards things.
 
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#4
:hug: Please don't rely on the pills and alcohol for take away the pain. If you need a listening ear, we're here for you. You can always pm me as well.
 

eagles_fan

Well-Known Member
#5
The drugs are going to screw you, they are not helping. Xanax in particular. Any benzodiazepine can create suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety, the exact things they are originally used to treat. What goes up must come down, and you can actually get what they call tolerance withdrawal in which you can have withdrawal effects even at a stable dose. I am suffering more than I thought humanly possible from a benzo withdrawal ATM, so PLEASE put down the xanax and booze, (that's a deadly combination). Exercise, if your able to, naturally releases chemicals and endorphins that make you feel good. I never realized how much brain chemistry really matters in how you feel. The drugs, while they seem like a welcome retreat, are actually making things worseand jacking up your brain chemistry. Depression is a science. Cognitive behavioral therapy is supposedly very beneficial too. It creates new neural pathways that will help you create a better feeling/mood towards things.
Nothing but wisdom in this post, lwbushido. Listen to this person.

I realize that addiction is difficult to overcome, but it can be done. I certainly believe, without a doubt, that you can do it.
 
#6
I remember when I was severly depressed I drank for a few days then i relized alchohol is a depressent. I stopped drinking the alchohol and the next day I was much happier/better when I stopped. Give it a try you;ll should feel better.
 
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