Suicide as a child?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by helen345, Mar 8, 2009.

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  1. helen345

    helen345 Member

    I'm new to this forum, I have never posted on one of these before, as far as I know. I'm hoping to find out if anyone else has had similar experiences to me, as so far I feel that I really am the only one.
    A lot of people I have met have never attempted suicide in their lives, it is only a thought that passes quite quickly. If they ever have thought about it obsessively it started around 14/15. My own thoughts started at about 8 years old. My first attempt was when I was 10 years old. I am now 26 and have never managed to get rid of the feeling that life really is not as great as everyone insists on telling me.
    Is there anyone else who started thinking and attempting so young? I feel like I really am the only one, and I'm starting to think that this fact is having an effect on the people who are 'supposedly' treating me. No one ever expresses outright incredulous expressions, they've obviously been too well trained for that. But I still get the nagging feeling that they are surprised. Especially as I've never heard the cliche line "You're not alone" although I've heard many others.
    If anyone could tell me their thoughts/experiences I'd be really grateful and interested to know. Thanks for listening.
  2. xxicedragonxx

    xxicedragonxx Well-Known Member

    do you have any relatives that have tried to commit suicide, or had suicidal thoughts? certain types of depression are genetic, so yes, it would be normal for you to feel this way so young.
    i started self harm at around twelve.
    i also tried my first overdose in sixth grade... took everything in my medicine cabinet.
    i am 21 now and i think of suicide everyday. every day i wake up and ask myself if i should still be here. every night i wonder if i can make it to the next morning.

    in my world... suicide is normal. it is just there... it is up to you to make the choice to try and overcome it. i just keep telling myself.. tomorrow i will tomorrow i will. and today can never be tomorrow.
  3. SuicideIsTheWrongOption

    SuicideIsTheWrongOption Well-Known Member

    I never attempted young, but i've felt the same since i was 10. I honestly think depression can hit you as early as when you start to develop physically. I only remember that when i started puberty, thats when my depression started. To be honest i've felt the same since i was 10 till now, like everything is empty. I used to love sports, football, basketball, everything. I used be so into it, but now it feels empty, i get nothing out of it. There have only been two years in the last 11 that i haven't felt depressed. Those were the best years of my life (or as much as i can remember). But even now the memories of those years don't seem so bright.
    Although i started feeling that way when i was young, i never attempted until i turned 18. i don't think it's uncommon for people to start obsessivly thinking about suicide at an early age, cause so far you and i both have.
  4. helen345

    helen345 Member

    Hi thanks for your feedback. God I really sound like a computer! It's because I've just taken some codeine and paracetemol, but I am really grateful that someone replied.
    xxicedragonxx I don't really know about any family suicide attempts, except my grandmother on my mother's side. I have heard about a few relatives (also female) that have been in psychiatric wards, but I'm not sure if this was justified or not as early - mid 20th century doctors in England seemed send women to asylums for anything a bit strange.
    Yeah I suppose it's quite natural that depression can develop as soon as you start to develop. And I can definately relate to what you say about memories not looking so bright from a distance! I don't think I can even remember the last time I felt optimistic and bright. It's really not something that's easy to hold on to.
  5. xxicedragonxx

    xxicedragonxx Well-Known Member

    optimism doesnt even exist in my world... im a realist...
    and sometimes you just gotta take depression for what it is and do your best with it... i have never responded to any treatment so... i live with it and accept it as part of who i am. when i get upset.. i come on here and talk to people so i am distracted.
  6. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I hadn't started thinking about suicide until about age 14.

    When I was 10/11 I was severly depressed, but for some reason the thought of suicide just never popped into my mind.
  7. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Hi :)

    I'm so glad there are others out there. I'm going to be 26 this October and I first attempted at nine. A couple years later chronic major depression kicked in. It's hard for people like us because we don't have a better time to look back to in times of need. Life has always been a battle, and to be honest, the only reason I'm still here is because my body has instinctual negative reactions to dying --- not that I'm complaining. Somebody has to pick up the slack.

    People may start out incredulous, but as your story unfolds it becomes more apparent that you're telling the truth. I've never had anyone outright disagree with me. Now I was abused as a child, so maybe that has something different about it.

    However, life has always been a miserable thing, full of disappointments and frustration. Overall it's a crummy situation to be in.
  8. csu1336

    csu1336 Member

    Yor most definantly not alone, I remember thinking about it when I was 10 or so. I attempted when I was 12, cut my wrists and my parents found me in the bathtub like 15min later. I know exactly what you mean though, Ive always had that feeling like I was the only one who was fucked up enough as a child to think that way or attempt suicide, Ive never quite gotten over that feeling, but Im workin on it.
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I had my first attempt at age 13, I am now 52..If my friends back then hadn't helped me and gave me CPR I would have succeed .. That was the closest I had ever been..
    From the age of 17 until earlt 30's are pretty much a fog..I was strung out on drugs and alcohol all those years. Since I quit doing drugs and drinking I have had two more attempts..I have suffered from depression all these years and have been suicidal since 13..
    I started Isolating myself in my bedroom 15 years ago, I have no friends outside of the forum..I was always a home body except during my drug years. I was so stoned all the time that it didn't bother me so much being out..
    I deal with my suicidal thoughts dailey by getting up in the morning and telling myself verbally that no you won't have me today!! Then I come on the forum because I know I will receive support here from others who can relate...
  10. SuicideIsTheWrongOption

    SuicideIsTheWrongOption Well-Known Member

    During the years you smoked did you have problems with suicide? I've been an on and off smoker for some time now...every night i feel like killing myself. But every night i smoked, i didn't feel that way, i still felt depressed, but everything seemed distant and in some sense...ok. Now i don't smoke so much because i wanted to quit any and all substance abuse, but it's not helping in the least. The first few days after i stop smoking is when i'm at my worst...

    Yet at the same time i can't stop, becuase it hurts too much when i stop smoking...alcohol usually only makes me more depressed.
  11. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I have nothing constructive to add other than I first attempted at 9, and am now also 26.

    What sort of help are you getting?
  12. Nazza

    Nazza Guest

    I am 26 and I started the "I want to die" thoughts at the age of 8. Fucked up upbringing maybe plus the fact that I was reminded everyday that I was a mistake and not wanted(mothers words)
    I tried to hang myself not long after, dunno even how old I was but I know I was in some home.
  13. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member

    I first considered killing myself when I was 15/16 when I started becoming very depressed, but i've felt disconnected and disociated my whole life. As I get older and life puts more pressure on me i've only felt this become stronger. The feeling of not belonging.
  14. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    Me too, I was about 16, I have my first major episodes of depression and mania, i didn't attempt though until I was 25. I'm 34 now.
  15. SadPandaBear

    SadPandaBear Well-Known Member

    I wrote my first suicide letter at age 10
  16. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    I made my first attempt aged 11.
  17. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    i remember being about 6 and being told that if you held your breath for more than a minute you'd die so of course id try if to prove 'the adults' wrong or if you fell out of a tree then you'd die. so at that age i'd climb the tallest tree and go to jump out of it but could never find it in me to do it. i would literally find the tallest tree pretty much every week just to see if i had the bottle to jump out of it.

    i already knew a lot about death at the age of 6 because i was so ill at the age of 4 that i did actually die for a minute. annoys me that they brought me back to life but they did and so maybe that kicked off my thoughts

    i dont know if you can count that as being suicidal as a child, or just being a child, but thats how far back i seem to remember
  18. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    I was 15 :(
  19. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    My first attempt was when I was 14. But I've been suicidal since I was 6 or 7 years old. So yea...
  20. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    i was 13..

    i want to smoke.. kind of off topic
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