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Suicide as a victory

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by MrsStavrogin, Oct 21, 2012.

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  1. MrsStavrogin

    MrsStavrogin Active Member

    I feel as if though suicide is my only chance at succeeding in life. I know it sounds weird, but even though I'm not suicidal (generally speaking) anymore I feel like killing myself now would be the easier and more decent thing to do, taking in mind that the alternative is much worse. Of course, there are certain things which I could do to make my life more enjoyable, but I don't see the end results as satisfying enough. And I don't want to continue living like I do because I am doing harm to myself, physically and mentally and I don't want to do that. I don't want to hurt myself. Therefore, death seems to be the easiest way out.
    I think that there are three ways in which my life could proceed: 1) I work my ass off to better myself in aspects which I think are important and I prove to people who hate me and and want to see me fail that I'm a winner. But that is uncomfortable, the results are uncertain, and when I accomplish those goals I will be left with a feeling of emptiness since there would be nothing more to improve.
    2)I continue living as I do and continue to degrade. I cement my status as a failure in the eyes of others and myself.
    3) I kill myself, thus avoiding all of this and staying a somewhat decent person in the eyes of others, but I deny myself a life.

    I just wanted to ask for some sincere advice, since I feel lost. Thank you in advance.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 21, 2012
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    MrsStavrogin, I'm sorry you're in such a rough spot that you would want to die and give up on living.

    Life is a mix of ups and downs for everyone...Sometimes we have no idea what others have or are dealing with. How are you doing harm to yourself physically if you continue to live? (I understand completely that emotionally, it feels like it hurts too much.)

    What parts of your life are important you to work your ass off for? Would you feel better if you started working towards those? Are there things YOU want that others in your life seem to brush aside? Maybe you can find ways to achieve in those areas to fulfill YOURSELF and not the standards imposed by others?

    Life can be good if find the right perspective. What perspective, what things do you want from life that would make it bearable - even it's entirely different from what others say you ought to want? If we can be "satisfied" in things WE find important, sometimes things don't have to be absolutely perfect in ALL things.

    I hope you stay safe. :hug:
  3. proficiens

    proficiens Member

    First and foremost: death is NEVEr the easiest way out, beleive me. I have more experience in this than you. I see, you are depserately set on success. But, by the way, what do you mean by it? Yes, I ask you, what is success? For me personally, success is to be useful to my true self. but in order to be useful to my self, I have to know it. Are you useful to yourself?
    You say that there are some people who hate you. Are you sure they do? Or is it perhaps your (wrong) perception?
    Even if they do, analyze in detail who they are? Dwarfs never like a giant. But a giant should never live by the rules of dwarfs.
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