Suicide as peaceful departure

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by scarlettdrknss, Mar 12, 2012.

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  1. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    So first of all.. hey x]
    Anyway, I have been obsessed with suicide and death before until I almost committed suicide but then decided I was too proud and selfish to do that. Anyway, after that I'm still into suicide and death but now it's not a near future thought like I wanna kill myself next week or anything but it's more like when I realize I'm done with life, when I've lived enough, maybe reached the age of 30 (that's always been VERY old for me xD 18 still seems OLD even as I keep getting closer to it) that I could just kill myself. To me it's a nicer thought than getting old and wrinkly and waiting for the end. I mean, don't you want to have control of your life? Or am I the only one?
    I would love to explain in more detail but I don't have much time because my parents have become WAY more controlling than they already were and my mind is (like always) in its own world, leaving me hazy and on stand-by.
    Was just wondering... thanks to anyone who even read this. I realize it's very useless
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is not very useless hun Many here have those thoughts Depression can cause that as well as other mental illness To have control of one destiny ones path in life that is what you want I do think in time perhaps your thoughts will change. I can relate to the feeling of wanting ultimate control i can but in doing so we have to know what those consequences of our actions will be pain for others sadness ect Hope you continue to post and continue to reach out for support ok hugs
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    30 is not old. Really. I am 50 and I'm still young. You're only as old as you allow yourself to be. If you stay in good health and continue to enjoy the things that you did when you were younger, then getting "old" really never happens. I still do and enjoy most of the things that I did when I was younger. Differences now are that I understand life more, I make sounder decisions, and I am in a better position to do the things that youth limited me by. Getting old is really just a state of mind. Don't limit yourself by years. Be unlimited. Seek out those things that entertain you and surround yourself with others who enjoy the same activities. Play ahead just as would a corporation that plans it's 5 year and 10 year business plan. Set goals and work slowly toward achieving them. No, it's not easy... it's a struggle and a battle. The challenge of it is what keeps us young though.

    As Total Eclipse said above, continue to post and continue to reach out for support. Positive reinforcement is healthy too. :)
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Yeah, 30 isn't that old...I'll be there in a few years and time has passed by fast. It's not so bad getting old and wrinkly, because you can still have fun in life. :tongue: You can have control over your life, by doing what you want, and not letting other people get to you. It doesn't suck getting older because you can always find ways to enjoy life.
  5. MSharron

    MSharron New Member

    Hi there.
    I think that 30 is not old. It's a perfect age. So don't you think of yourself that way.
    Think of it of the experience.
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  6. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    Well it's not the number that really makes me feel anxious, it's the thought that I have to stay here in this world for such a long time. I always feel like I'm just waiting for something. When I'm in school, I'm just waiting for it to end, then it ends and I just wait for the bus ride to end so I can be home, then I'm waiting for the day to pass so that I can watch a movie or read and while I'm doing that I'm just waiting for it to end or for it to be so late that my parents make me go to bed. And sleep is just waiting for the next day to arrive. I like to read and I love to watch movies (at least I used to, I used to love doing those things) but still when I'm doing it I'm justing waiting for it to pass. Even when I cut to find relief, I'm just waiting for the bleeding to stop, then I'm waiting for it to heal so I can add another scar. I can't find any sense or meaning in anything anymore. In contrast to that, death is something completely new. It might be so much more than we can even imagine. And even if it isn't, it'd still be a change to this boredom.
  7. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Life is too short as it is.
    We each individually control our own destiny and it is like anything else - it requires effort. Effort well spent though is usually well rewarded. To achieve anything worth being proud of, effort is required.
  8. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    It's hardest to put effort in something when you don't have the will for it. Thinking 'you should do this and that' but your heart doesn't want to, it just wants to, as they say, curl up in the corner and die.

    but i forgot something: thx to everyone who answered! x3
  9. Leland

    Leland Member

    I feel like I can connect with your sensitivity to time running out. You become sensitive to time when you feel like its all there is: there's the sand running out, and that's all. It's a common sensation for me since I'm used to not having any faith in anything influencing my life...I'd agree with pickwithaustin: effort toward self determination is everything.
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