• Apologies for the issue with a bizarre redirect on the site earlier today. There was a large server update and an error in an IP address had the traffic routing wrongly. No hacking or anything nefarious and nothing to worry about. Sorry for any stress/anxiety caused. Very best wishes - SF Admin

Suicide attempt last week- Thinking of killing myself

Talia862

Well-Known Member
#1
It was Thursday when I made my attempts. I tried two different ways, but one I just couldn't go through with and the other I passed out but woke up later.

I posted on SF right before my attempt. I should have waited to see if anyone responded and listened to the good advice I was given. People answered. Showed they cared. But I didn't wait or read the responses that night. I went offline, and then messaged a friend, and told her I was thinking of killing myself. It was partly because I felt so bad about COVID. I have been so isolated. In the past year, I have left the apartment where I live alone three times- two were doctor's appointments, once to visit my family. In an entire year, I saw one friend ONCE. The complete and total isolation has been unbearable. Because I have a chronic illness, I am at HUGE risk from COVID, and at high risk of it giving me even worse health problems. So I have had to be so careful. I don't have the vaccine yet but hoped when I got it, I could stop worrying and things would go back to normal. But then I learned about the new variant that's worse than the old one and vaccine-resistant, and I knew this would never end. I couldn't take that.

Anyway, I messaged a friend after I posted here and told her I was thinking of killing myself. She called me back and yelled at me, saying that I wasn't going to kill myself and "I don't have time for this!" She seemed so mad, and like she didn't believe me. I got so upset. That is when I tried to kill myself. I hid my suicide attempt from everyone at first,.

Now I have talked to my friend since then, and realize that she really does care, even though I thought she didn't. She wasn't mad, she was just really stressed. She doesn't know that her reaction was the thing that pushed me over the edge- I knew how upset she would be if she knew she caused my suicide attempt so I didn't tell her.

Yesterday, I picked about 7 friends that I trusted and shared my suicide attempt(s) with them via Facebook. They have been so kind to me. So concerned. My friends want me to live. People have called me. People have written to me. They have offered to let me call in the middle of the night. They have said they want me alive. I thought everyone would be better off without me. My therapist got me an appointment with my psychiatrist, and he is going to increase my antidepressant.

My friends have shown me concern and compassion. They say they really care about me. But I don't' feel they are caring, I feel so alone and empty. My friends tell me I'm not alone, but I feel alone. Depression is awful. It lies to you. But I want to listen to those lies. I want to kill myself. I want to do it right this time. I have thought of another method that would work better. I'm tempted to try it. But I hesitate because people really are trying to help me. People are calling and checking up on me. They wouldn't do that if they didn't care.

Should I live? Should I fight? I will try to wait for a response this time from people here, and not just go and try to kill myself like I did last time. I want to do the right thing.Are my friends telling the truth that they want me to live? Should I live for them?
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
i'm sorry that you are suffering so much @Talia862 . this covid situation will last for a while yet. i understand the strain it has put on you. but there are options. most states allow you to go to parks for exercise. you can meet some friends at the park or if someone has a yard meet there for drinks or coffee. at the park or a a friends house you can have a picnic or something. that is only two possibilities. just whatever you do wear masks and practice social distancing.

the flu pandemic of 1918 was bad but it ran its course as this one will. talk to your friends often and if you can skype or video call that's even better. i am also at a very high risk and my doctor told me i probably wouldn't survive if i got it. so i am being very careful but i go out 2 or 3 times a week mostly riding around and my wife does some shopping. if you hold on you will make it through this.

mike...*hug*shake
 

JDot

1 Peter 5:7
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
Hey @Talia862 You should definitely continue living and fighting. It sounds like you have some friends who really care about you. That's definitely something worth living for. I know what you mean about depression lying to you. That's why we need friends to tell us the truth.
 

Xistence

Benevolent Haunt
#4
Please don't listen to those stray thoughts. Those nagging little feelings. Your friends want you to live, and I feel that somewhere inside you do as well. Stay with us. You can survive this. We are stronger than this.
 
#5
Sorry that you're going through this @Talia862
My therapist got me an appointment with my psychiatrist, and he is going to increase my antidepressant
A change in meds can make a huge difference. I hope you can wait for the med change and give it time to take effect.

There are also some other treatment methods that you might want to try. This link has some info

Treating Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, Pain; Other Suicide Help

I hope things can get better soon.
 
#7
then I learned about the new variant that's worse than the old one and vaccine-resistant
What I've read about the subject is one or two of the new vaccines that aren't in circulation yet were less effective, but still effective during a trial in South Africa. Without randomized trials, and trials of all vaccines, there's no way to know if that result is about the particular vaccine, the population being tested, the viral variant in circulation, or some combination.

Even in the worst case scenario, the vaccine they tested was still effective, just less effective.
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$255.00
Goal
$255.00
Top