Suicide Attempted =/

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by fml4ever, Aug 19, 2011.

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  1. fml4ever

    fml4ever Member

    I was feeling so empty, everything was finally coming out of me, telling me it was finally over. My time was going to cease to exist, and I will finally be gone. I turned on the ignition, driving on the streets till i hit the freeway, speed was increasing rapidly, changing lanes became faster as the drivers were going their own speed on different lanes. I finally picked out a nice empty lane for myself, increasing my speed once more and more, not looking back....then at that moment something stopped me, I didn't want to stop, I wanted to keep going, I was almost there, yet I was so far away. Something made my feet hit the brake, and everyone who were behind me had to avoid from being hit into me, some stopped and asked me if I were alright and what happened. I explained that I just freaked out, some things are better be left unsaid. Yet more attempts will be made, hope the next ones will succeed. =/
  2. nowlost

    nowlost Member

    What was the thing that stopped you? The thing that made your feet hit the brake?

    It sounds like there is a little hope there for you and somewhere inside you know this.

    What help are you getting?
  3. Jelly

    Jelly Well-Known Member

    I'm very sad to hear that you attempted...but I'm very happy you are still alive.

    Life is a hard journey. You go through rough bumps and incredible highs. But in the end, life is worth it. In the end you end up in a higher place, a place you can be happy.

    Please don't give up, because life does get better, with time.

    Please know my PM is open if you ever need to talk.

    Take care. <3
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun i am glad you stopped and also glad noone else was injured hun Time now to listen to that gut reaction of yours okay time to go in and get help to heal hugs
  5. fml4ever

    fml4ever Member

    That something was probably the little piece of me that wants to live, yet why is it still there, when my whole mind is in a dark state. There is nothing to live for, life won't get better I know it, it's hopeless to move on. I've been in depression for a long time now. The only thing that has kept me here is me being distracted by games, watching movies, etc, without those I'd be prolly dead right now without a doubt. So many suicidal thought are rushing thru my head each day, each second, each hour of my life. Why did that have to be stopped, right there, why did that piece of me needed to save me, I didn't need to be saved, I just needed to be put at peace and be gone without anyone knowing it, as I leave, there will be no one who will miss me, or will ever feel that I was ever existed on this planet called "hell." :cry2: I never got help from anyone, as people will think im some kind of a weird outsider, thinking about ending your own life isn't human like, as they want to live, I guess we do turn into monsters and try to hide it. I doubt doctors, pills, or anything will help me, I've put a wall around my heart, it doesn't want help, it's hard for it to trust anyone as everyone always betrays it. The walls are like protection, yet it still not at piece as its still hurting everyday, the only way to end the pain that I receive each day is probably ending it. Probably for the best.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 19, 2011
  6. ocean

    ocean New Member

    I'm glad your still here. Very few people understand this depth of suffering, so to me, your understanding makes you very special. I also thought medication wouldn't help me, it seemed absolutely impossible ...but it has. I'm not saying you'll be happy, but it can numb the pain, make it bearable. You may have a wall around your heart, but that doesn't mean that there aren't chemicals out there that could affect your brain, and I really hope you give it a shot. Best wishes with whatever you decide.
  7. fml4ever

    fml4ever Member

    @Ocean Thank you for being so nice, I don't need any praises that I'm special, or that I'm a good person that everyone would love to be around, because I don't deserve such kind words. About the pills/tablets, I barely even grasp for pills when my head is killing me and i just want to bash it against the wall. I hate going to hospitals, whenever i go there, i faint and pass out on the floor, just of the medicine floating in the air. There are probably chemicals that are out there that would solve the chemical imbalance on the right track, yet I just want to die right now and forget everything about my own existence. I feel like I've caused too much pain to myself and others around me, I do not deserve to live, jobless, without a future in mind, my heart is empty, got nothing to keep me moving forward. I got no friends, no girlfriends, no close people who i can rely on, there is really nothing to live for. Without a future your not needed anywhere, yet I try to find it, every-time i try, i just feel so empty on the inside and just feel like walking of a 20 story building. There is a feeling like you never belonged here in the first place, you will never be of any use, as I always mess up by touching something, people bitch at me, I only want to help out, and things just turn for the worse, everyday feels like someone is stabbing your soul, its hard to get out of bed, whenever I have happy moments, I don't feel happy, its just human emotions. Heh, even being happy kills me even more on the inside, because I do not deserve such a beautiful thing, if a person has no future, no1 wants them, your all alone in this hell of a world. I'm not a good writer, I don't really know how to express how I really feel right now, but maybe this is little piece of it. Sorry.
  8. toopainfultolive

    toopainfultolive Well-Known Member

    dont really have any nice words of encouragment but u could have survive and cause someone death, you know. that will have been a whole lot awful adding to this situation u're going thru now.
  9. fml4ever

    fml4ever Member

    It's hopeless to move on, people say that I'm worth living out, heh, I'm not, there other people out there who deserve that chance. I'm not one of them =/ Just want my existence to be erased.
  10. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    Whatever your choice here, you should make sure it doesn't put anyone else's life at risk, okay sweetie?

    It hurts my heart to read all the pain your in. If I could take all that pain from you, and put it unto myself, I would do just that.

    Please don't feel like your alone because you have us, and there are so many wonderful people here on this forum, even though most don't realize how terrific they are. I know you are to, regardless of your own personal self image. Your just living a nightmare right now, please don't hate yourself like that because things get bad. :( You deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else in this world does. Everyone makes mistakes, you live and learn from them.

    I used to feel like you did, thought the world would be better off without me. Lived every day with suicidal thoughts. Medications didn't help but the want to get better, eventually made me realize, that I was going to make myself get rid of this depression. I had the help of a wonderful therapist, and I would not have survived it without his help. I needed someone I could talk to about everything that was hurting me. It took many years to work, but it did help. I still get depressed, but it is nothing like it used to be.

    I have plans but I'll be back tonight to check on you. Let me know how your doing, if you get back online 2day.
  11. fml4ever

    fml4ever Member

    @cutiepie132 Thank you for being so positive, I do not deserve that kind of words and kindness for people as yourself. Yes i know i have been hurting for a long time, but thats from my parents, school, friends coming n going, relationships hurted, everything i do just falls apart, heh, i just try and do something useful, yet i touch something and it breaks into lil bitty pieces. Parents are always putting me down from the very beginning, that I'm a piece of shit, why am i sitting at home doing nothing. I had a job, but i can't concentrate while i'm there, it's hard to get out of bed, nothing on my mind except the suicidal thoughts. No1 really knows what i'm going thru, they think i'm doing what i'm doing cuz of sheer laziness, yeah let them think that, maybe it will ease their thoughts/nerves a bit. Everyone leaves me after some time, there is no place for me haha, its even kind of funny thinking about it. There is happiness for me? I really doubt there is anything out there, people promised me that they will help me, but as you can see all they did was lie and back-stab me over n over. I guess i deserve it, i've been hurting myself as well, emotionally so its easier to leave this hell hole of mine. =/ If your wondering how old I am, i'm 22 yr old male.
  12. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    Well if your wondering how old I am, too old to tell, lolllll.

    Your parents should never put you down, no matter what age you are. Sometimes though, a parent can be taken in the wrong way. I don't know your situation, but do you think it's possible, that they keep nagging you about the job, maybe it's because they'd like to see you succeed? Only thing I want for my kids is for them to be happy. If they don't want to work, that's fine, they could stay with me the rest of their lives and I would not ever complain.

    If your parents have been too harsh with you with their words, maybe that is why your being so harsh on yourself now. It's hard to escape the impact of what words of other people can make you feel like about yourself. Been there, did that, and it's not a good place to be.

    I hope you get better and I hope we can help you find a way to do that.
  13. fml4ever

    fml4ever Member

    @cutiepie132 My parents were putting me down since we came to usa, since was in school. They kepts comparing me to other people how their succeeding, how better off they are at what they have done, etc. But I'm not them, I might be the total opposite, they try to show me that they care, yet they started fighting each other 1-3years ago(parents), and that scarred my heart, they always push me around, fighting each day with my dad. Makes me think i should just end it all, so i dont cause anyone anymore pain, stop showing failure to people who are only waiting for success from you. The pain is so unbearable that it hurts so much even thinking about it. The music is the only thing that understands me, and telling me that i should ease my pain by erasing myself. My favorite song right now, and lots of their songs. My hope ran away, courage backed out on me, confidence left me on the side of the road, i feel like an alien on this planet, and never belonged here, never should've been born in the first place. This...pain...will ever leave my side? I question that everyday.
  14. fml4ever

    fml4ever Member

    Ugh, why am i still here? I'm such an ass doing this to myself, living each day is already hell, lost interest in everyday activities, games, everything just going down the drain. If i end myself, who will miss me? Well first of all my parents hate my guts and hate my existence, they hate seeing me each day, i do have 5 brothers, but they will manage without me, friends? I got none, every friend that i ever made always left, close people who are near me? no1 really, whenever your out there doing something with other ppl, groups, crowds, etc, i feel so alone and in pain. It shouldn't be about me anymore, as my friend sent me a letter a week ago, how I was self-centered person, always talked about myself, i just wanted help i guess. No1 rlly understands these days how people rlly feels until you are rlly gone =/
  15. fml4ever

    fml4ever Member

    I'd like this thread to be deleted and removed thank you.
  16. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    we dont generally delete posts but i will close it for you so no more replies can be made :)
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