All these people die in accidents. I'm too tired. Too past the point of planning and messes and suicide notes and caring. But then you hear about this or that frat boy who drank to much around a pool. Accidents. Maybe I'll just get really reckless. Then I don't really have to think about the Big Plan. Just turn off any warning signals that tell me I'm being stupid/dangerous, and then just let darwin take its course. Like, next pool party (I'm on the west coast - these things still happen in November), I wil drink too much and mix with Klonopin. More than usual. Just way too much. And throw caution to the wind. Maybe I'll drown, probably I won't. But just keep doing stupid stuff until it just happens eventually, when I'm not even aware that that's the time it will take, and in the meantime, I won't have a string of failed attempts behind me either. That seems sorta nice. I think I'll take a nap now. I'll start my active careless stupidity tomorrow.