Suicide By Stupidity

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Nonny, Nov 27, 2006.

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  1. Nonny

    Nonny Member

    All these people die in accidents.

    I'm too tired. Too past the point of planning and messes and suicide notes and caring.

    But then you hear about this or that frat boy who drank to much around a pool. Accidents.

    Maybe I'll just get really reckless. Then I don't really have to think about the Big Plan. Just turn off any warning signals that tell me I'm being stupid/dangerous, and then just let darwin take its course.

    Like, next pool party (I'm on the west coast - these things still happen in November), I wil drink too much and mix with Klonopin. More than usual. Just way too much. And throw caution to the wind. Maybe I'll drown, probably I won't. But just keep doing stupid stuff until it just happens eventually, when I'm not even aware that that's the time it will take, and in the meantime, I won't have a string of failed attempts behind me either.

    That seems sorta nice. I think I'll take a nap now. I'll start my active careless stupidity tomorrow.
     
  2. twilightki

    twilightki Well-Known Member

    By all means, enjoy yourself. But don't do it because you want to die.

    Please, tell me a little about your situation, maybe I can help. Or offer some kind words. You don't even have to put it up here for all to see, I'm open to PM's. Take care:smile:
     
  3. Nonny

    Nonny Member

    I am overeducated (multiple post graduate degrees)
    But I have been jobhunting for over 12 months and can't find anything. Was willing to accept entry level anything - but I'm told I'm overqualified for those. And the ones at my level -- I don't get the interviews.

    Just ended a 7 year relationship and got kicked out of the house (he owned it) so I now live in a motel until I find a job because I can't get a lease without one. And I got fat from antidepressants. Lost any good looks I might have ever had.

    immediate family member is terminally ill. Not that they're talking to me anyway (long story, but reconciliation is impossible. I tried)

    I, personally, have encountered ill health and need surgery to get my gallbladder out. - Result of the weight gain brought on by the use of the antidepressants.

    I have no friends, quite literally. My partner kept the friends in the breakup. I left town. For the pool party deal, I was actually planning on crashing at motel's pool, to be honest.

    Ok. So try to cheer up a person who

    Is long term unemployed and has sent out over 200 resumes and followed up on every possibility in any field and will accept any salary
    Lost all friends and home and relationship
    Is physically ill and needs surgery but is unemployed without health insurance (they charge a fortune for unemployed people!)
    Has achieved crazy levels of academic success, but cannot get a job
    Has no friends. Not one.
    Has no family that wants anything to do with me.

    Sorry. I think I win in the "my life sucks, and I get to want to die" I totally win this pity party, I think. These troubles are so insurmountable, I can't fix it. The first step would be to get a job ...so I could establish a home and a social group and get surgery so I stop being in physical pain. Guess what though - I AM TRYING. I cannot get a job. I have a PHD and 2 master's degrees - no kidding. And I'll take jobs anywhere on the spectrum. nothing nothing nothing works through.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 27, 2006
  4. AliveAndAwake

    AliveAndAwake Active Member

    if I commit suicide, I think i'll plan mine out by getting drunk, as usual, then jump off a building. that would be a thrill.
     
  5. bipolarkitty

    bipolarkitty Well-Known Member

    A few months ago I was talking with my therapist, telling him about how reckless I was. Then he said something that resonated deep within me. He said "You're closer to dying than you've ever been before. You may not be actively looking for it, but death would be welcome, wouldn't it?" I was so stunned that he understood completely what I was doing that I simply told him yes.

    I was very suicidal at that time, but too afraid to put any plan into motion. So I figured I'd drive fast and recklessly with no seatbelt. I'd put myself in dangerous situations on purpose. I had no regard for my safety.

    I also figured that if I were to die without directly causing it myself, for example a car wreck, then my family wouldn't have to suffer with the knowledge that I'd killed myself. That was immensely alluring for me. A way out with no guilt attached. There was also a certain sense of freedom and wildness with letting go of all thought of my safety. I have to admit, it was fun.

    Unfortunately, nothing ever happened to me as a result of my throwing caution to the wind with wild abandonment. I got very angry and felt cheated. I kept thinking about all those people who did everything right and still were killed and here I was doing everything wrong and nothing bad happened.

    I still tempt fate at times, but she continues to stubbornly deny me the way out that carries no guilt. She's wicked, I tell you.

    Sorry this was so long, but your words touched me - just as my therapist's did. I completely understand what you're talking about.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 28, 2006
  6. dilbertrob

    dilbertrob Member


    Drinking can be completely counterproductive to killing yourself. In fact if it hadn't been for my lack of tolerance for Wild Irish Rose wine, I wouldn't be here today. Now I drink when the pain gets to be to much until I pass out.
     
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