Suicide - Contagious?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nightangel, Jan 23, 2008.

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  1. nightangel

    nightangel Member

    I feel so alone right now.

    Do you ever realise, when the shit REALLY hits the fan.... that you have no one to talk to?

    My boyfriend and I just broke up, and I don't want to tell any one, because then I have to listen to the 'oh, it'll be ok' 'you'll find someone else' bullshit. That boy was THE FUCKING LOVE OF MY LIFE. So no, it's not going to be ok.

    yes, i realise at this point this all sounds oh so teenager....

    I think suicide is like a contagious disease. Someone you know becomes suicidal.... It eventually gets passed on to you.

    And do you know what the strangest thing i find? That person, who was originally suicidal (the infector), the person you would expect to understand you one hundred percent... doesn't understand a god damn thing.

    So how are we supposed to expect those who aren;t suicidal to understand us?

    For all you wannabe psychs out there, no, I'm not on any meds. I used to be, (for depression, i wasn't suicidal at that point) and they just didn't work. Sometimes i joke that i'm bipolar.... I have massive fuckin downs but never any highs.... but sometimes, just sometimes, it's all reasonably ok. Like, i wouldn;t saty i was normal, but fucking hell, it;s nearly there!

    Although I am worried about an increasing amount of alcohol may be me self medicating....

    But fuck it. For the first time in my life, I UNDERSTAND the alcoholic.

    And booze somehow makes it easier.
  2. I understand the drinking. While it numbs the internal torment for a few hours, I find that I'm more volatile when I come off of it. I've been trying the route of less intense agony at a constant pace, but I don't know if it's doing me any better either.

    Booze was a regular part of my drug zombie days, but I'm not sure if that played any role in dragging me to where I've landed. I went from unhappy to a walking train wreck. It's possible that you might be making it harder on yourself with the drinking, and I'd hate for anyone else to repeat my mistakes and throw their life away.
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I know you don't want to hear it nightangel, but the fact is that you are a teenager and you will find someone else eventually. It's not bullshit. Everyone hates losing their first love, but you know what, we all go through it. Also, turning to alcohol is not the best option. When you sober up, you'll still have to deal with your issues, plus a massive hangover.
  4. nightangel

    nightangel Member

    To give a teenage response, what the hell do you know?

    I love this guy with all my heart. I don;t know if he genuinely wants to be apart or if he just wants to be alone so he can kill himself.

    if i'm not there looking after him, who the hell else will?

    just in so much fucking pain
  5. forlorn

    forlorn Staff Alumni

    Dont turn to alcohol, its not your friend. Youve got to deal with the pain now and sober. Ive drank heavily since my wife left and have been hiding from the pain now Im sober I see a lot clearer. Dont hide from it, deal with it and move on.
  6. nightangel

    nightangel Member

    I can't move on and take him with me....
  7. justgettinby

    justgettinby Well-Known Member

    I understand what you're going through. My fiancee dumped me, and I still believe that he was my soulmate. I can't say the pain will go away with time, because for me it's been 3 months and I feel worse, not better. And I, too, have turned to alcohol. I think what helps me get through everything is talking to a friend that cares, even if they don't understand. And remember that even without that person, you are still amazing and have a lot of life ahead of you. And besides, if you commit suicide, you're letting him win. Don't let him win.
  8. Morning_Glory

    Morning_Glory Member

    Don't take offense when I say this, but maybe it was for the better you two broke up. As the old saying goes, misery loves company and it seems both of you had or have suicidal thoughts and/or was depressed. You don't need anyone who is not going to lift you up hun for the better and help to bring out the best in you. I know it's hard, I don't know how hard because I am not you, but there is a future and if you take care of yourself (stop the drinking and don't make any attempts at hurting yourself) it wouldn't seem as bad as it does now.
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm sorry if you were offended by my post nightangel. I'm a high school level teacher and I deal with teenagers going through this. I know it may seem hard right now, but you'll get over it in time. Time heals all wounds after all.
  10. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    I understand how you feel. We've all been there. And if you don't want me to tell you you'll find someone else, I won't. But let me ask you something. Did you ever stop to think that those people who are much older who tell you that things will work out have been where you are?

    Yes. I know. You think they don't know how you feel. But guess what? They do. Everyone does. My heart was broken by my first girlfriend when I was 14. I was utterly devastated. I thought nobody in the world could ever possibly understand how I felt. But I was wrong. It happens to everyone. There's never anyone quite like your first true love. Everyone will tell you that. And it's true. I've had other GFs but it was never quite the same. But it was still good. They were different and it felt different but not in a bad way. It just made my memories I had of my first love more precious to me.

    I don't know about it being contagious. I've never known anyone personally who was suicidal. I have suicidal thoughts for my own reasons. I didn't get the idea from somewhere else.

    As far as other people who are suicidal not understanding? Well, a lot of people have thoughts of suicide but everybody is different. It isn't always the same reasons. And people are like that. It's not always a sure bet that someone who is in a similar situation to your own is going to understand.

    I think everyone has had thoughts of suicide. Just not everyone is going to be honest about it. They do understand but they may pretend not to because being negative isn't looked upon as a good thing.

    Yeah. I do understand them better now that I know why they do it. I don't drink but I often want to.
  11. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    You have to let him go. If that's what he wants, there's not much you can do. I know how hard it is. You never want to walk away from someone. You always feel like there's just a small chance and you don't want to blow it. But you can take him with you. In spirit. You can remember the good times. In time, the bad things will fade and all you'll really remember are the good things. Time really does heal. But you have to let it happen. You have to give it a chance.
  12. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Yeah it always rocks the foundation of our individual world-views, I agree. It is almost enigmatic to watch someone seemingly breezing along just fine through life go and off themselves.

    On another note Angel, heartbreak and grief from involutary break-ups are bona fide traumatic experiences for anyone. To understand, respect, and actually "get" that fact will help to see you through this.


    LILICHIPIE Well-Known Member

    I saw in a forum here a long time ago that a girl at 19 was depressed and suicidial; she had a boyfriend who was as well depressed
    they had a nice hangout one afternoon; the day after he said it was over; that he like her but couldnt explain why he had to break up

    He killed himself some days after
    So if he really is suicidial maybe thats why and I urge you to talk about it with you
    As for yourself you have to give yourself time;boozing used to be my self medication when I was 18 till 20; i started then AD and weirdly it made me give up boozing to heal the pâin
  14. nightangel

    nightangel Member

    Reading back over what I've written.... It's all honest, but possibly not expressed in the best way. I apologise, I know at times I was down right bitchy in my posts, but it's what was in my head at the time.

    I just don't want this part of my life to be over. I was so happy with him, and I thought I was making him happy... As well as being kind of confused as to if he really doesn't want to be with me... I feel humilliated at the idea that he may have been thinking for a while he didn't want to be with me.
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