I feel so alone right now. Do you ever realise, when the shit REALLY hits the fan.... that you have no one to talk to? My boyfriend and I just broke up, and I don't want to tell any one, because then I have to listen to the 'oh, it'll be ok' 'you'll find someone else' bullshit. That boy was THE FUCKING LOVE OF MY LIFE. So no, it's not going to be ok. yes, i realise at this point this all sounds oh so teenager.... I think suicide is like a contagious disease. Someone you know becomes suicidal.... It eventually gets passed on to you. And do you know what the strangest thing i find? That person, who was originally suicidal (the infector), the person you would expect to understand you one hundred percent... doesn't understand a god damn thing. So how are we supposed to expect those who aren;t suicidal to understand us? For all you wannabe psychs out there, no, I'm not on any meds. I used to be, (for depression, i wasn't suicidal at that point) and they just didn't work. Sometimes i joke that i'm bipolar.... I have massive fuckin downs but never any highs.... but sometimes, just sometimes, it's all reasonably ok. Like, i wouldn;t saty i was normal, but fucking hell, it;s nearly there! Although I am worried about an increasing amount of alcohol may be me self medicating.... But fuck it. For the first time in my life, I UNDERSTAND the alcoholic. And booze somehow makes it easier.