It has been more than a year since I have posted here. Maybe some of you remember me, but I think most of you do not. My suicidal tendencies have calmed down. I still though keep a means of trying beside my bed, and I keep matches for burning myself here also. The main reason why I keep these things is that I am too close to being totally alone. I am very unsure if I could handle my last true link ie my mother, and she is 89 this year. Suicide could still happen for me.