Suicide due to hair loss

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by D1979, Jan 12, 2015.

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  1. D1979

    D1979 Active Member

    This may not sound like a big deal to some people, but it is a huge deal to me. I have been losing my hair for more than 4 years now and it has robbed me of the ability to feel handsome and comfortable in my own skin, has ruined my self-esteem and confidence, and has destroyed my life. I no longer enjoy things that I love more than anything else in this world and I am a fragile shell of the man that I once was. I no longer ask women out and I need to get excessively drunk or high just so I can have a good time when I go out. I am currently on a medication to try to keep the remaining hair that I have left but it has given me terrible side effects, sexual and muscular. Life is just not worth living anymore now that hair loss has shattered all of my hopes and dreams. I often cry out to God for help. Either that or just to let me die in my sleep already.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I can see how this would be troubling for you especially when trying to find a partner. Could you ask the doctor if there is another hair growth treatment you can try? One with less nasty side effects. Welcome to the forum.
  3. D1979

    D1979 Active Member

    Unfortunately there are only two FDA-approved treatments for hair loss. One is finasteride, which is the most potent one and is giving me the terrible side effects. The second is minoxidil (Rogaine) which doesn't really do much of anything. And I am not about to wear a wig. I just feel doomed since there is no way out of my hopeless situation.
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that you are feeling down. When looking for a relationship it's not just about looks but the person within. I'm only just saying this to give you a different perspective point of view.

    I can imagine you confidence is shattered but please do not act on your feelings. If you can afford it, perhaps you can see a life coach or speak to someone. It's only a suggestion but keep posting for the support you need.

    Just keep remembering YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND DESERVE TO LIVE..
  5. Raven

    Raven Guest

    A lot of things can be done about hair loss,

    Take it from me, I had a receding hair line at 16 and was full on balding at 20, no one really cares and it happens to dang near everyone, and their are a lot of treatment options if one wants to go that path.
  6. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    Don't give up ...
    ... world is wide there might be some other solutions somewhere.

    I will also say like incrisis that, even if you feel shattered in your confidence, people probably don't see you that way.
    I think more and more people are bald (like totally) quite early and are still super attractive.

    It's probably not what you want to hear now. But to let you know I understand how it feels like when your body seems to let you down.
  7. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    I completely understand your sense of loss. I was in the same boat only three years ago. There are multiple levels of grief going on here, losing ones youth, percieved attractiveness, social mobility, identity etc. I checked loads of sites promoting bald men that I found reassuring and interesting. There are quite a few celebrities who are slap heads who women find attractive, yes you could say it's because of their wealth, fame etc but then you could project any imagined or percieved advantage on anyone when one is insecure. There are plenty of (attractive)women who find bald beautiful. If your friends are supportive great if not move on to better ones, people who care about you will love you bald, one-eyed, one-legged etc
    Also get off the medication because it only "works" for as long as you take it,and it has pretty bad health side effects. Check out this dude:

    Do you really think him having hair was the winning reason he got married?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 12, 2015
  8. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I know it is useless to say this and you have heard it a million times - but it is not a big deal about the hair loss. What is a very big deal is the way you feel about yourself- your self esteem, and your confidence. Those things are about a lot more than hair. I hope you choose to stop trying to find a solution to the hair loss because aside from the fact they are all substitutes and if hair was the only real problem then just like a gazillion other people you could choose to wear a hair piece for health or just fashion reasons. This does not seem a viable option to you because you know it is not the looks that is the issue but the way you feel about yourself. So far as looks, shaved heads are pretty common as a choice for a look, so it is not the way you look- it is the way you feel.

    Instead of concentrating on getting a cure for the way you look (that may or may not even exist, but so far as just spontaneously getting a natural full head of hair again does not) please put your efforts into addressing the way you feel. People often say they cannot change the way they feel or help the way they feel- I disagree. We change our minds about things every day. We meet people we do not like and then decide we like them. We hate a new fashion trend but then start wearing those clothes. WE hate a book but keep reading and then decide it was actually pretty good. I know these are just a few lame examples, but the point is we do change our minds about things every day so it is possible to change our minds. That can come about spontaneously, or with help, like the friend or spouse that you tell you dislike somebody and they urge and convince you to give them a chance or a little time and then you do in fact change your mind. Professional therapists do that for a living, help people learn to feel differently about things. Give yourself more time and get some help to change your mind about the importance of hair. The only thing that will make it impossible is you refuse to even consider it as a possibility.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben
  9. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry that your hair loss is so bothersome to you. If it helps at all, in all the years and all the comments about good and bad points in partners no one ever commented on hair or the lack of. For me sexual attraction always came after I got to know someone. It came from being around someone who cared about me.
  10. tudor_77

    tudor_77 Member

    Like others have pointed out, I know how hard it can be when you feel no control over what your body is doing. I know this probably doesn't help but tonnes of females love the shaved head look if you can bring yourself to embrace it. I got way more attention from women when I used to shave my head than now that I have a full head of hair. So much so that I am considering going back. It draws attention to your features more and is just an all round cool sleek look. Couple that with some strategic facial hair or stubble and you will be onto a winner for sure. I also preferred having a shaved or bare clipper cut for the convenience, having hair is a major pain in the ass. A lot of women actually prefer the look of a shaved head and you will stand out from the endless clones who all look the same and have the same boring side parting thing with a high fade which seems so popular these days.
  11. D1979

    D1979 Active Member

    Thanks a lot for all of your responses. I guess what it all boils down to is me feeling comfortable and attractive in my own skin. That is what gives me confidence and caused me to be the outgoing and witty center of attention that I once was. But unfortunately baldness erodes a person's appearance to the point that it has made countless numbers of formerly attractive men become ugly and even disfigured. I've seen evidence of this first hand on friends of mine. My outer looks are directly correlated to my hopes and dreams as well. For instance, I am a huge 80s hard rock fan and whenever I used to listen to that music, it made me feel energized, inspired, and motivated to reach for the stars in life. It's lyrics and melodies spoke of vitality, youth, and energy. Yet now I feel that my looks directly contradict those sentiments and I instead feel like a balding old fart. That music that once gave me such unbridled joy now represent shattered dreams, lost hopes, and a miserable life. It's utterly heartbreaking. I used to walk into rock clubs feeling like the long-haired rocker that I always wanted to be, yet now I need to get wasted just so I don't feel terribly uncomfortable in those places. Hell, one local musician asked me if I could sing because he said I had "the look" for his rock band. I would've joined the band in a second (I am a musician) except now when I am under the bright lights and I sweat alot, my hair loss becomes increasingly and embarrassingly noticeable. So it broke my heart to turn down his offer. Some people say that having hair loss is not a big deal but those are usually people who still have reasonably full heads of hair. Hair loss is definitely something that one needs to experience for themselves before they can understand the devastation of it. Thanks alot for all of your responses but unfortunately I just don't see any kind of solution to my problem. Hair loss has deteriorated my looks and I am not the same man if I am not attractive. That's why I am posting on this message forum.
  12. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Embracing who you are as a person as only you are your own worst critic.
  13. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Receding hairline, balding, grey hair- in your 30s or 40's is not even a little uncommon. Grey and receding myself- glad I do not look like a kid anymore. Might want to take a look at those 80's hair bands music you like - if you have seen any on their reunion tours or the ones still touring you will see most have the exact same issues of hair loss and very obvious dyed hair or or wigs. A fair number of them used wigs back then as well. Fact is - you still share their look if that is what you wanted.
  14. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    So you identify with a certain social group and now you feel rejected because of your hairloss, does that really sound like a solid group of people? You will get to a point where you will recognise the emptyness and childness of such social groups, that's why mainstream music only appeals to the youth market.
    I'm pretty sure most of these guys have zero problems pulling partners and rocking out "despite" being bald.

    Isolation, meaninglessness and purposlessness are the main red flags for suicide, keep an eye on them.
  15. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    It is starting to sound like the biggest problem is your drinking. When you need a reason to become drunk on a regular basis your drinking is running your life rather than you.
    If the band wanted you then they were not worried about your looks... :( What was the real reason you did not accept?

    I love Star Trek: The Next Generation, want to guess who I find the sexiest actor on there?
  16. D1979

    D1979 Active Member

    NYJmpMaster, I wouldn't make such a big deal if I was experiencing just a bit of recession and graying. But I have absolutely gaping receding hair lines and such drastic thinning on top that if I stopped taking the medication, I would look slick bald on top. I used to have just a bit of a receding hair line and I did not complain about it one bit. But my hair loss goes well beyond that. Also, I never really "lived it up" during my 20's because I was a shy and inhibited person. I never really asked women out, never had a girlfriend, etc. Yet when I finally broke out of my shell and finally summoned up the courage to ask women out, I started losing my hair. I want to be an attractive man who feels comfortable in his own skin, and balding prevents me from doing so. Consequently, it drastically and negatively affects virtually every aspect of my life. With regards to my 80s musicians losing their hair, some of them are but those are guys that are well above 50 years old and have lived life to the fullest during their youthful years. I never really did due to a variety of issues. I really wouldn't care so much if I was 50 years old and balding, but I am still a reasonably young man and it really bothers me that hair loss is causing me to look old, unattractive, and uncool. Also, most of the bands that I love do in fact have reasonably full heads of hair; like Kix, Cinderella, Warrant, and Ratt.

    Exkend, I realize what you are saying. No one is outwardly rejecting me so to speak, but baldness makes me feel old, uncool, and unattractive in scene that exudes vitality, energy, and youth. And consequently that affects my enjoyment of it. I function so much better and am able to live life to its fullest when I feel outwardly attractive. It is vital to virtually every aspect of my life. And now that my outer looks are deteriorating right before my eyes, virtually every aspect of my life suffers. Don't get me wrong, I do not live and breathe music 24/7. I have other interests. I have a Masters Degree in Computer Information Systems, I am an avid weight-lifter (and I just started jogging too), and I am a big fan of professional sports. So music is not my whole life but it still occupies a big and vital part of my life, and when my enjoyment of such an important aspect of my life is ruined, then a domino effect occurs and many other aspects of my life suffer. I click on the link that you post except I unfortunately find many of those bald guys terribly unattractive. Most of them also began losing their hair when they were much older than me.

    I appreciate all of your responses (I really do), and I am really not trying to second guess anyone. Oftentimes it is tough for people who do not experience major hair loss for themselves to understand the utter devastation that hair loss exacts on a person until they experience it for themselves. And I'm not talking about a receding hair line that barely anyone notices, I'm talking about being well on the road to slick baldness on top.
  17. Multiple Man

    Multiple Man Well-Known Member

    The topic when first reading was a but jarring but I completely understand the feelings of inadequacy. I am and feel unattractive. I think attractiveness is about as essential to life as water is to a flower. Fortunately there are a plethora of options you can pursue to address hair loss if your willing and have the means. I wish I could get a face transplant but I doubt that's in the cards.
  18. D1979

    D1979 Active Member

    Multiple Man, you seem to understand. Hair loss is not simply just an aesthetic condition, it is a deterioration of one's outer looks and sense of pride in who they are. And this can have catastrophic consequences on many aspects of a person's life. Unfortunately, the options in treating hair loss are so minimal and ineffective. Also, whether a person's face is attractive or not is very subjective. I'm sure you do not look as bad as you say you do.
  19. sweetles

    sweetles Well-Known Member

    Many many women find baldness in men attractive...I am one of them. You say you are an avid weight lifter, well no look appeals to me more than a muscular man with a short beard or goatee and completely clean shaven head. Its just so ultra masculine and viril, and makes me feel more delicate and feminine in comparison. The idea of a guy with long silky hair makes me kind of queasy honestly, that is just not my personal idea of what a man should be.

    I think you should learn to embrace the bald look and gain confidence in who you are now, not the person you wished to be in the past. As a man your best years are still ahead. Try being a single woman in your thirties and going through severe hair loss, there would be no hope for you then.
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