I think of suicide every moment of every day. Its like something is pulling me there and I am too tired to resist it anymore. I told my therapist that I was planning to do it but she didnt seem to realize that I am serious. I think she looks at my love for my child as meaning I wont do it but she doesnt see that is one of the reasons I will. I cant stop my urges anymore. I dont want anyone to talk me out of my thoughts or try to stop me. I stay away from everyone so they wont pick up on signs. I got all my things in order and collected the way to do it. I keep waiting for the time that my child isnt going to be home to find me but so far there hasnt been one. I feel like I am bursting and want to explode out of this world right now. I dont think I can take the waiting anymore. It hurts too much to bear and I am all out of strength. I dont know if I can hold on much longer and I keep trying and trying but I feel like I am failing even that.