I've decided that once all my debts are paid off, I'm going to end it. This will be about another year and a half, or so. Seriously, there is no reason for me to live at all. And even if there were, I wouldn't want to. My social isolation for several years due to social anxiety (and depression) have made me into a pleasureless simpleton. I don't care about anything, but I'm constantly paranoid, anxiety-ridden, etc. Living is just plain torture for me. What I've gone through bascically disproves the existance of God. There is no need for me here, I'm just a waste of everybody's time, I'm a waste of my own time as well.
Suicide...eventually
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I always feel like that 24/7, but I keep going on. Because deep inside I believe that someday I could change my life. More accurately feel life.
I never got the chance to enjoy and explore life.
Someday I want to. Don't you? At least try...
Don't harm your self; it will do no good for you.
In one year things may change, how do you know?
Try and fix what's bothering you...YOU CAN
:hug:
I never got the chance to enjoy and explore life.
Someday I want to. Don't you? At least try...
Don't harm your self; it will do no good for you.
In one year things may change, how do you know?
Try and fix what's bothering you...YOU CAN
:hug:
Heh, my life has been in the same pathetic state for the past several years. Actually, that's not true. It's gotten worse with all of the physical ailments that have popped up. I really don't want to live anymore, it's way too much effort. I'm a very screwed up person, why would I want to explore more of this shitty life? It just seems pointless and mindlessly positive.
I appreciate the sentiment, though.
I appreciate the sentiment, though.
Well, its pretty interesting. I'd say my social anxiety is worse than yours, I'm 19 and since probably 12, I've been anti-social, never having friends, but I had my little brother for company and that was alright. I was never depressed because I was lonely, but I'm depressed now because one day, I won't have my family to give me company and unless I make friends, I'll be lonely and miserable.
The things I enjoy in life are videogames, computers and television, sounds stupid no? But I must say that especially computers and videogames are my passion and I'm not sure if those alone are things that can keep me going on, I do love them quite to death though.
I also don't suffer from any ailments, I'm perfectly healthy physically, but messed up mentally. I've been living in my home, doing those activities I've described above for years and thats it, no socializing or going out like everyone else my age does. :sad: :sad: :sad:
I hope you can keep staying here and keep talking please. I know I can't realize how much your pain is unless I am directly in your shoes, but I still hope you can still keep going on, even though I also think about suicide and ending it all, strange.....
Well I am wondering, why do you wish to commit suicide after you paid your debts? I suppose you just don't want this thing haunting you and you want to die with no regrets, nothing weighing you down huh?
The things I enjoy in life are videogames, computers and television, sounds stupid no? But I must say that especially computers and videogames are my passion and I'm not sure if those alone are things that can keep me going on, I do love them quite to death though.
I also don't suffer from any ailments, I'm perfectly healthy physically, but messed up mentally. I've been living in my home, doing those activities I've described above for years and thats it, no socializing or going out like everyone else my age does. :sad: :sad: :sad:
I hope you can keep staying here and keep talking please. I know I can't realize how much your pain is unless I am directly in your shoes, but I still hope you can still keep going on, even though I also think about suicide and ending it all, strange.....
Well I am wondering, why do you wish to commit suicide after you paid your debts? I suppose you just don't want this thing haunting you and you want to die with no regrets, nothing weighing you down huh?
The reason is because my dad co-signed a car for me, and I'm not going to force him to pay it. He's already had enough financial hardship.
Anyway, I wouldn't bet your social anxiety is worse than mine. I haven't had a friend since the age of 10. Haven't had a girlfriend either, or been on a date. That is not to say that girls haven't been interested in me, I just couldn't show interest back because of my extreme social anxiety. Now, it's just gotten to the point where I don't care about it anymore. I'd rather sleep all day. Except I can't sleep barely at all because of my insomnia. As I said, going through everyday is torture.
Anyway, I wouldn't bet your social anxiety is worse than mine. I haven't had a friend since the age of 10. Haven't had a girlfriend either, or been on a date. That is not to say that girls haven't been interested in me, I just couldn't show interest back because of my extreme social anxiety. Now, it's just gotten to the point where I don't care about it anymore. I'd rather sleep all day. Except I can't sleep barely at all because of my insomnia. As I said, going through everyday is torture.
I'm new here but one thing i've noticed is the profound effect loneliness has on people. we truly are social creatures at heart. how can we help but feel alone in a society that promotes isolationism (via tv, video games, internet), paranoia (societal pressures on beauty, overly alarmist tv news) and xenophobia (war, politics, terrorism).
you should try meds if you haven't already. in my own experience, days that i actually talk to people are better days, eventhough it's the last thing i want to do.
you should try meds if you haven't already. in my own experience, days that i actually talk to people are better days, eventhough it's the last thing i want to do.
N
instead of ending it, i would recommend to spend the rest of your life trying to benefit others in some way. for example, just work at some trivial job, spend as little money on yourself as possible and DONATE as much money as possible to homeless people & charities. this will have a lot of benefit for all those people you help and [no matter if you believe this or not] it will benefit your future lives a lot.
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