suicide feelings

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cheekymonkey, Oct 10, 2006.

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  1. cheekymonkey

    cheekymonkey Member

    A few months ago I had a suicide attempt, since then I have been trying to get better, but today I cant see the point of it. I must be a bad person cos no one wants to know. my family dumped me cos of my depression and so has a couple of friends one of which I helped through a depression. Now today I got a text from a friend who says he hasnt the time for me. If I had cancer people would want to help me but cos I have depression they hate me. I cant see the point anymore to go through life knowing everyone hates me and wants me dead is too much. I had stopped drinking about a year ago cos it has done my liver anygood plus im on meds that cant drink with. But Ive started today again and now I have tummy ache. the drink is the only friend I can trust to make me feel better and trust cos that wont leave me.
    I wont be missed if I ended it, in fact I think everyone would have a party.
    I just want to curl up drink my self stupid and never wake up. Wish I knew why I am hated so much. with other problems cant see the point anymore.
    sorry cant say anymore
    susie
     
  2. eventually your situation will change [it has to!], you just need to be patient.
    why are you so convinced that you need other people to care about you in order to be happy ? isn't that just an unexamined, unquestioned assumption ?
     
  3. MariaM

    MariaM Guest

    Hello!

    We need to get better. It´s so much harder when we don´t have the support of people around us. Even so, giving up is not the choise to be made... i´m still around... i don´t remember the last time i was happy... maybe i was but just for a phew minutes... and when i look back i can´t see it.
    Alcohol won´t help you. It´s going to cause you more problems than you have now. Alcohol and drugs are not the solution to any problem but a trigger for something worst...

    take care,
    maria
     
  4. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Hi cheekymonkey let me tell you that you aren't a bad person and the people who have ignored don't understand what you're feeling.It's not like you enjoy feeling the way you do and you're still here which mean's you have belief.Sadly people are so ignorant toward's mental illnesse's and see that you look fine on the outside and physically able and see thing's from their perspective.
    The one's who are feeling as you're and understand what it's like don't have those type's of views.It's also quite sad that if you had a physical illness a broken leg,a patch on your eye or as you said had Cancer or say Liuekemia you would be receiving so much more sympathy.
    I know it's really hard but try not to let the people who aren't being there for you and supportive upset you.I know how difficult this becomes because we're in pain and crave their support and love,but try to open up to the people who will be there for you like even us of course on these forum's.My E-mail is Milansteve@yahoo.com.au if you would like to contact me via msn or E-mail I'm alway's here for you.

    P.S Don't give up!
     
  5. cheekymonkey

    cheekymonkey Member

    Hi
    Im still around thankyou for your replies, they helped me, I no I shouldnt rely on people to be there for me, but when Im having these terrible feelings its horrible knowing there is noone there for even the simplest of things like a hug. My life has been crap since my teens when I was bullied cos my parents divorced. then things just got worse from there, The biggest upset came when my dad died 2mths after I got married in 81, the pressure and problems which was due to me getting married caused a heart attack just before my wedding so he wasnt well enough to come then he had the fatal one. I blame my self and wish I hadnt married as he would still be here, he was only 42. He was the only one who loved me so I wish I could be with him, I have also had my problems with my health and been in and out of hospital but my family never came to see me, I recently got in contact with my dads daughter my half sister 2 years ago, and thought we were getting on then out of the blue near christmas 2 years ago she told me to go and kill myself, after telling me she was going to get me the best help as she is a mental health worker, how could she help others but tell me to end my life, I have written to her to ask why but she wont answer.
    At the moment I have my close friend Lea, she had a holiday down here but that ends in 2 weeks and Im scared of her going back, cos I wont feel safe, I have recently had to have more tests in hospital and I have to have another one putting a camera down my throat as Im having trouble and pain eating, Im also scared of getting the other results. I also have been abusing my diabetes by not taking my insulin after all what have I got to look forward too?
    It just gets harder every day, I tried to get a part time job to get me out the house for a few hours, I didnt get that, it was for a cleaning supervisor, It must be me the problem cos 5 years ago I ran my own cleaning business, so I know feel a total failer.
    Now Christmas is coming up again, this brings back bad memories for me, last year was ok, but the last 4 have been awlful my husband goes over his mums and leaves me here, one of the last times I spent it alone with a bottle and beans on toast and cryed all day.
    well better go as feel bit down, sorry to go on.
    take care everyone
    susie xx:sad:
     
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